Your Garden….

Not sure how many of you will be able to relate to this blog post, but I suppose if it’s meant for you, then you’ll understand it…..peach daisy I’ve been struggling a bit mentally, which in consequence, is making me struggle physically as well.

Yesterday, I decided to go out and shoot nothing but weeds, ha.  And you know what I discovered, upon adjusting my focal point and length.  Weeds are beautiful, you just have to look a little closer!

“At times I feel I’m struggling, like I can’t have a beautiful garden because I can’t get rid of the weeds.  But maybe the garden is already there, and it’s not full of weeds at all, it’s simply a big field of beautiful flowers and I’m just to damn busy and stressed to even realize it.  So I adjusted my focal point and it changed what I saw, I began guarding my thoughts, and it is changing my life….” -Amy-

Hope your weekend is beautiful and you begin watching the thoughts you let yourself think.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

 

Are you your own worst enemy….

Have you ever really thought about how you speak to yourself?

Are you praising yourself, giving yourself a pat on the back, loving yourself, looking in the mirror and being proud of who you see?

Or, like most of us, are you condemning yourself. Telling yourself that you’re not good enough, pretty enough, young enough, talented enough. Are you looking in the mirror and pointing out to yourself all your flaws and how you wish you looked better?

We don’t realize it, but we hurt ourselves far more than anyone else can ever hurt us. We don’t realize that what we say to ourselves, what we think about ourselves, that’s the most that anyone else can ever think about us.  Though it’s true another person may be saying to you, “You look beautiful today…” In your heart, if you don’t believe it, because you have said too many times to yourself, “I’m disgusting, I wish I were more pretty,” than you won’t even hear when a person gives you a compliment, you’ve already condemned yourself.

The energy that comes from within you is what others receive from you.  If you are negative towards yourself, people sense that, and it makes them negative about you.  Conversely, if you have positive energy, and you really love yourself, others will love you and want to be around you because your energy is so positive and people, especially in these times, crave positive energy.

I have come to realize one thing about myself….I need to sincerely work on this.  I am a very positive and uplifting person…but only for other people.  I have started really listening to what I say to myself, and it’s not pleasant.  I’m never happy enough with how I look.  My writing is never quite good enough, my house never clean enough, and on and on….I think I’ve become very good at putting out a “false positive energy.” I can seem like a very nice positive person, but on the inside I’m not feeling it.

So if you are struggling like me, let’s start today to really listen to ourselves.  And when you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself, stop for a moment, change your attitude and you will eventually change your behavior.  I don’t think this will be any small feet.  I think we’ve trained our brains from childhood to think the way we do, maybe we were raised with over bearing parents, maybe a love in our life, hurt us so deeply that we began to self-doubt ourselves.  But whatever it is that started this awful trend in ourselves, I know one thing for sure, we can break the cycle.

So: Do you ever realize the way you speak to yourself?  Maybe you ought to listen….

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Friendship….

Meaning of friendship: Kindness, love, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, ability to be oneself, and to make mistakes without fear of judgement from the friend.

A new study came out that was done over the last four years have now consistently found that adults with the highest levels of happiness and general well being also reported strong, close ties to at least one or multiple friends.  Having a friend in adult-hood provides companionship, affection, and emotional support.  It has been to improve good health and longevity.  Conversely, loneliness has been linked to increased heart disease , viral infection and cancer, as well as higher mortality rates.

I’ve struggled a bit with adult-hood friendships.  My childhood best friend, from about 4th grade until we were adults was my everything.  She was my lioness, my soul mate, my confidante…all the things listed above under the meaning of friend… She passed away when we were in our early 30’s of breast cancer.  It was devastating and I struggled for years afterwards, really keeping my distance from friends.  As my children have now become adults, I have found that they are some of my best friends.  However, friendships with your family members aren’t quite the same, and here’s why….

As family members, we still tend to impose our own will, at times being judgemental, even if we try not to, because it’s a different type of love.  A true friend, that’s not family, we don’t judge, we are just there for each other, to help and care for, even in distance.  A friend is just a totally different type of relationship…you can possibly go days, weeks, and occasionally even months without talking, and yet, pick right back up where you left off at any given moment. Friends, at soul level, can feel each other’s pain, yet, understand that it’s not their pain, and instead support the other by being their lion, giving them the best advice, and just being there to listen without imposing our own will onto them.

In all honesty, I’m still a little guarded, but I have come to have two very close friends, that aren’t family.  I don’t depend on them for anything, which is a different type of feeling.  I just know that they are there if I need to talk or need an honest opinion on something.  It’s a great relationship, that offers nothing in and of itself, except acceptance and understanding.

I hope if you have been struggling with loneliness you’ll put yourself out there and make new friends, or even perhaps, look up that old friend that you’ve grown apart from and re-kindle a relationship that is beneficial for both of you. Friendship is one of the most important foundations in our lives, and I truly believe that a friendship out of family, is very important.

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff

Count the Sunrises…..

“Life goes by so fast, have you ever counted the sunrises that have passed?” -Amy-

Sometimes I complain because I don’t feel like I ever get enough sleep, but this morning I was so grateful that I’m an early riser.  I really hate to miss a sunrise, especially one like this morning.

I’m one that is very nostalgic,  always thinking about my favorite moments, things that remind me of those moments, smells, sights, tastes, etc.  So I do tend to count the days, weeks, months that it’s been since an important event has happened.  I miss that moment, I think about it, and I try to think of it fondly, not in a sad way, and then, I usually feel better about it.

I hope you take this weekend to remember some of the most fond memories you have, but most importantly to make some new memories that years from now, you’ll think back on and remember with love.

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

 

The Journey is the Joy….

If you’re like me, and I’m sure millions of others, we all have that “one arrival point” the one where we think, “ok, this is where I’ll be happy, this is when I’ll know, I’ve arrived..” Maybe it’s when your last child leaves the house, when you make partner at your firm, when you park that new Mercedes in your driveway, pay off your house, retire with a big savings…

The funny thing is, I had all those thoughts too, but you know what, now I’ve gone past at least two of those marks in my life, and now I find that I have more new marks….still more waiting for all my dreams to come true, still more goals…

You see, I’m finding that in this life, there is no “one mark”, there’s no end game, there’s no “i’ve finally reached my happily ever after..”.  Truth is, our final destination is death, that’s the end mark.

I think of yesterday as a sunset, tomorrow a sunrise, only today do we have enough light to share our love and to really live.  You see the burdens of yesterday are what drive people crazy, thinking of all we need to do tomorrow  make us feel defeated, we can only live in the moment.

So for myself, and I hope for you, I’m going to chase more waterfalls, smell more flowers, go outside barefoot, say I love you more, climb more mountains, watch more sunsets, watch more sunrises, spend more time laughing and less crying.

Life can only be lived as we go along,  joy is found in the journey and in the moment, not in a “point of arrival”….

Peace & Love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

 

 

Inspiration…

I had a challenge today to write on the subject of “Inspiration.”  As I pondered what to write about, thoughts kept coming back to me about my son.

Perhaps because I had him so young, we are very close.  Him, being my first child, I had to grow up quickly, and always strove to be an inspiration to him, but almost 30 years later, I’m realizing he’s been my inspiration all along.

I’ve watched my little boy go through his life, graduating from College, confused about his future plans.  I’ve watched him struggle with a drug and alcohol addiction, that changed him from a sweet loving child to a mixed up, disillusioned man.  I’ve seen him struggle with love and loss, winning and losing.  But the thing that most strikes me about him is how he’s managed to dig himself out of the pit of addiction and totally change his life around.

There was a time a few years back when we were talking and he was really struggling with some life issues, he asked me, “Mom, how will I ever get over this?”  I remember the pain I felt in my heart, because I knew the answer to the question but wasn’t sure it would be good for him to hear it, but I spoke to him honestly.  “You will never fully get over any of it.  But with time, you’ll come to appreciate the strong person you are because you just fucking got through it.”  It was the best way I could put it to him.  I knew the answer, I’ve been through it myself, there’s just some things in life that you honestly don’t ever get over.  You may do good for awhile, a few weeks, maybe even years, but it’s always there, and it will raise its painful head again and again throughout your lifetime.  But each time you fight through it, you’ll become stronger, you’ll see that though it feels like it’s killing you, you’re still alive, you’re still living.

It’s funny that now he’s my inspiration.  He’s turned his life around, become a teacher, an avid rock climber, a lover of nature and adventure.  He’s seen me struggle through my life, depression, smoking addiction, exercise addiction, love, loss, winning and losing.  And recently when we were in Oregon, I wondered how I was going to make it through my situation, how I would ever be able to get over things, and he said to me, “Mom, you’re never going to, but you’re fucking strong, and you’re going to keep living.”  And he’s absolutely right.

I know the parents are supposed to be the inspiration to the kids, helping them see how life should be lived, being good examples.  But honestly, my son, has been my inspiration.  He’s helped me want to continue living, to keep trying, when all I wanted to do was stop.  He’s helped me see, there’s always a way, there’s always a new path, there’s always a new journey a new adventure to take.

Look for inspiration in your life today, there’s something….you may have to dig a little deep for it, but you’ll find it.  There’s always a reason to keep living, and more importantly a reason to want to.

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Reflections….

I’m as guilty as the next person, I’ve used them, lots of times, it’s hard not to.  Those apps that remove every line, every blemish, every scar….but to what extent do we become someone we’re not?  We can’t be 20, we can’t just never get crows feet, or laugh lines, we age, we all do, why has it become a trend to hide it?

I’ve lived life, and it shows.  Why am I reluctant to show that?  I’m in my very late 40’s haha, why am I hesitant to admit that or to let it be known?  I know why….the social media society that we now live in is a “perfect world.”  I dare say there are probably less than 50%, much less, of people who are real…everyone and everything is photo shopped.  I think that’s ok, occasionally, but the problem is, who are we in person?  You don’t get to carry around an app that changes you.  And why would you want to?  Of course there are always imperfections we wish we didn’t have, but everyone has them…To be honest, I think it’s what makes us unique and beautiful.  When I see a photo on IG for instance, and it’s obvious it hasn’t been touched up, or at least not too much,  I find I’m always thinking, “she’s so cute, her little nose is turned up, or her eyes are kinda squinty, but she’s so cute…..know why? cause it’s really her, and she is cute, she is beautiful.  When I look at a photo of someone that is obviously photo shopped, all I think is, wow, that lady is really beautiful, but she’s hiding it, cause she thinks she’s not beautiful enough….

Here’s my morning poem: Have you ever looked in the mirror at your own reflection, seeing only your flaws, no beauty, just imperfection.  Searching for the latest app to take care of each blemish, but look again, what do you see after your finished?  You are still you, no app can change that, at least not so far…so adjust you’re focal point, don’t be fake, be the beautiful person that you truly are… -Amy-

I hope starting today we can all learn to be more authentic…we are beautiful and unique in our own way, stop being afraid to be who you are.

Look for great lighting, not an app to cover up the real you 🙂

Peace & Love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Make March Memories……

Hard to believe it’s March….

Seems when we want time to stand still, it really flies by.

Spring is my 2nd favorite time of year, first is fall.  I think both seasons have such beautiful color and that is what my heart yearns for….a world of color, and less blah:)

The days here have been rainy and dreary making me feel a little tired and a little depressed.  I’ve done my best to fight through it.  Yesterday, I took a walk down my road and came upon the most beautiful little field of Daffodils.  It’s been so chilly that I was beyond surprised they had already bloomed, but there they were beautiful in all their glory:)

I hope this month brings lots of color to your days, you may have to go out and find it for yourself, but you can find it.  Start something today that’s good for yourself, perhaps a yoga class, exercise class, or just start a better healthy diet for yourself.

Make March a month of great memories:)

Love & Peace

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

 

When you can do nothing…what can you do

You’ve heard the saying, “Acceptance is a small quiet room…” I often wondered the meaning, and I’m sure many people interpret it differently, but for me it means this: Sometimes you put up a good fight, you do your best, and all of your efforts, just won’t matter.  Sometimes there is nothing more you can do, but accept that this particular person, or situation, or group, etc. is just going to let you down.  And when you finally realize that, and you finally accept it, it feels like you’re standing in a small room that’s quiet and for the moment, you’re all alone.

My poem this morning:  I’ve been through a lot of changes but the one thing that’s remained constant:  People will let you down.  You learn to accept it, and I can laugh when I say it, but the truth is so sad, that even my laugh has a frown….-Amy-

So what can you do?  Honestly, when you can do nothing, you can only do what you can.  You move on, you go about your way.  You try to forgive the person, situation, group, whatever it may be.  Not for them, but for yourself.  Because holding onto resentment, anger, hatred, it only ends up hurting you.  Truth be told, whatever it was that you let you down, probably isn’t even remotely worried about it, hell, they may not even know or care.  So for your own sake, you forgive.  All we can do is the best we can. I’m not saying you won’t be sad or that you won’t carry a little of the pain in your soul forever, because I’m sure you will, I know I have.  But it gets better over time.

You learn to smile, even if your smile wears a slight frown, you still smile.  Life’s about doing the best we can for ourselves and by doing that, we are doing what’s ultimately best for everyone else.  It’s about making choices, it’s about having to make a few sacrifices along the way, give and take, take and give.  But life is good, and the sooner we can accept that we can’t control every situation, we can’t make everyone do the right thing, the more peace you’ll have in your life, I truly believe that.

Love & Peace

Cause I’m not there, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….