Kindness…

Kindness isn’t just something you show to someone because they deserve it.  Mercy, compassion, forgiveness, these are all things we show to others because we find those traits in our own hearts.  You can’t show or receive kindness, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, unless you have them inside you to give.

I’ve come to a point in life where I no longer feel rejected or upset when I show kindness to someone and they don’t reciprocate.  I know beyond a doubt, there is someone behind that unkindness.  Something has happened to that person that makes them unkind, something perhaps, beyond my comprehension.  I think that this type of knowledge, this understanding that there’s always more to a person than what they portray on the outside helps me be more kind, compassionate, merciful, forgiving.

There was a time I stayed in my own little shell because I’ve always been a little too kind perhaps, and I used to get my heart broken by unkind people.  But as I’ve grown in my writing, photography, studying of people, nature, etc. I’ve come to realize there’s so much more.  If I don’t follow my inner self that is kind, if I keep all that bottled up because I’m scared to show it, then I die slowly inside.  I become cold, unkind, unloving, unmerciful, someone I never want to be.

So on this “National Kindness Day,” give it a shot.  Show kindness, not just to someone you know is kind themselves, but to someone who doesn’t deserve it.  Someone who’s hurt you or been unkind to you.  Maybe a store clerk who always has a frown on their face, maybe one of your customers that always complains. I’m not saying to let people walk on you, I’m just saying perhaps if you listen to your intuition, you’ll know.  You’ll just know who needs it, and you’ll just always exude this attitude of kindness, it draws people to you, people want to be around kindness.  Be the light in a dark room.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

 

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting….

I think a lot of times people get confused between two words: forgive & forget.

Forgiving  means you stop blaming and being angry at someone that has wronged you. Most people view forgiving as an act that is done to free oneself of anger, bitterness, sadness, etc. for something that was done to them.  Nowhere in the dictionary or the bible or any poetry books does the word forgive mean to forget the wrong doing.

I don’t believe any of us ever forget, especially when something has been so painful and deeply hurt us, like a betrayal of love, a lie that leads to considerable damage, etc. Small things, like calling someone a bad name, that can most likely be forgotten, but in the largest matters of the heart (love), we never forget.

Over time the memory may get easier to live with.  We may find that it doesn’t knock the breath out of us anymore when we remember, that it doesn’t stop us from eating, or functioning in reality when we remember.  But nevertheless, the memory is still there.

Sometimes even the best meaning people that want to love us with all their heart, simply can’t because they can’t forget how we wronged them.  They can forgive, but the memories are just too painful and continue to haunt them every time they look at us.

Some loves go so wrong that even after years of attempting to fix them, years of trying desperately to make things work, they just can’t.  But at what point do you put a stop to it? 10 years, 20, 35? I’m not sure the answer for anyone, because I know everyones threshold of tolerance and pain are different.  But if you are truly trying and you’ve asked forgiveness, that’s all you can do.  The other parties involved, either choose to stay around you, or they don’t.  But if they do choose to stay, even after something very painful has been done to them, then the “throwing it in your face” has to stop.  Every little argument cannot erupt with bringing up what was done in the past to use to destroy the other person that has already asked forgiveness.

To continue to allow someone to break you down over and over again after they’ve repeatedly told you they love you and have forgiven you is just allowing damage to yourself that you’re not going to be able to repair unless you walk away.

You don’t want to walk away because you blame yourself.  You understand to some degree the other persons hurt, after all, you’re the one that caused it.  You live with guilt every day, even without the other person reminding you of it.  But once you’ve done all you can, there’s just no more you can do, and as painful as it may be, both parties need to put an end to the pain and do their best to move on.

I am of course, as most of you guessed, writing this from a personal level.  I caused a great deal of pain to someone that I love, something that I’ve known from the beginning would never be able to forget, let alone forgive.  I did my best, read all the self help books to try and be the best person I could be. Tried to love him so hard that he would hopefully be able to love me in return, while forgetting slowly the pain I inflicted, but it’s all to no avail.  I’m terrible at letting go, I’ll fight my way through a tiger cage most times, but I have found that I can only be broken so many times.  He’s reminded me time and again what a terrible person I am, how I’ve ruined my family, how I’ve totally killed him, and in the end, he’s won.  I live with guilt every single day, things I can never fix, things I can’t take back, feelings I can’t undo for anyone involved.

I’ve thrown all the self love books away, because I’ve read so many, and still don’t love myself.  How can I when I’ve hurt everyone around me.  But I’ve also come to realize that he doesn’t deserve anymore pain, and the least amount of pain is going to come when I let go of a dream to reconcile my family and just let him go, wishing him to find peace in his life without me.

The poem I wrote on this subject several years ago:

“She lives with sins that she thinks are unforgivable, she’s been trying for years to forget that love that remains unforgettable.  She judges herself too hard, her struggle is real.  Some days she is strong, her soul tries not to feel, but some nights she loses the battle, for the heart has its own will…”  -Amy-

I hope you all find peace, whether it is in forgiving someone else or asking forgiveness from someone.  Just don’t forget, if you are the one forgiving, and you choose to stay, regardless of what’s been done, then you must let it go. You cannot continue to bring up the past and attack and break down the person that’s begging your forgiveness.  If you can’t do that, then leave…

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps Soon Enuff…

 

 

 

Karma…

 

So many people talk/write about Karma…what comes around goes around.  But the truth is, if you’ve wronged someone, or yourself, and you forgive yourself, you don’t need to be worried with Karma.  I’m not saying there are no consequences to your actions, because of course there are.  But to live your life in fear because of something you or someone you love did in the past is just living your life in hell.

 And all those expectations, they’re long gone, time to dry your pretty eyes, time to forgive and move on.” -Amy-

The key is to forgive yourself.  If you can’t forgive and let yourself move on.  If you keep hating yourself because of past mistakes.  You can never trust anyone else, you can never love anyone else, you can never forgive….It all starts with you.  Let it go, forgive yourself, forgive whoever it is that hurt you, no matter the circumstances, and move on.  Love yourself, and let yourself love again.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve not to live in hell any longer.  Life is short, seek out happiness, stop seeking out the same old hurts, the same old past thoughts.  Love your life and your life will love you back.

Hope your week is awesome.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

 

 

 

 

When you can do nothing…what can you do

You’ve heard the saying, “Acceptance is a small quiet room…” I often wondered the meaning, and I’m sure many people interpret it differently, but for me it means this: Sometimes you put up a good fight, you do your best, and all of your efforts, just won’t matter.  Sometimes there is nothing more you can do, but accept that this particular person, or situation, or group, etc. is just going to let you down.  And when you finally realize that, and you finally accept it, it feels like you’re standing in a small room that’s quiet and for the moment, you’re all alone.

My poem this morning:  I’ve been through a lot of changes but the one thing that’s remained constant:  People will let you down.  You learn to accept it, and I can laugh when I say it, but the truth is so sad, that even my laugh has a frown….-Amy-

So what can you do?  Honestly, when you can do nothing, you can only do what you can.  You move on, you go about your way.  You try to forgive the person, situation, group, whatever it may be.  Not for them, but for yourself.  Because holding onto resentment, anger, hatred, it only ends up hurting you.  Truth be told, whatever it was that you let you down, probably isn’t even remotely worried about it, hell, they may not even know or care.  So for your own sake, you forgive.  All we can do is the best we can. I’m not saying you won’t be sad or that you won’t carry a little of the pain in your soul forever, because I’m sure you will, I know I have.  But it gets better over time.

You learn to smile, even if your smile wears a slight frown, you still smile.  Life’s about doing the best we can for ourselves and by doing that, we are doing what’s ultimately best for everyone else.  It’s about making choices, it’s about having to make a few sacrifices along the way, give and take, take and give.  But life is good, and the sooner we can accept that we can’t control every situation, we can’t make everyone do the right thing, the more peace you’ll have in your life, I truly believe that.

Love & Peace

Cause I’m not there, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….