The Moon & Me

Full Moon impact on Me

About a week ago I began feeling very distant from everyone, like perhaps I was invisible, and at times, I wish I actually was.  My thoughts become a bit erratic, and I wasn’t making much sense to anyone, except myself.  And I thought to myself, “Okay, what’s going on with you Amy?”

After checking my horoscope I realized how quickly the full moon/strawberry moon was approaching, and I knew full well what was up with me.  I think once you know what’s possibly causing your emotions to fluctuate it’s much easier to control them, or at least to try to calm them down a bit.

Full Moon Poetry

I know I’m often distant

and my thoughts are rarely clear

and like the moon you can’t always see me

but I promise you I’m here….

–Amy–

 

Wishing you a beautiful week!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Love & Peace, Amy

Pursuing Happiness

My pursuit of Happiness

I’ve been reading self help books lately, most with the word “Happiness” in their title.  I’ve had this nagging unhappiness most of my life.  Even when I was happy, I’ve never felt a genuine sense of well being.  So I set out on this journey about a year ago to pursue happiness, and wow, my journey has taken me through more dark valleys than I ever imagined.  I thought surely by seeking new ways to be happy I would be happy.  What I found however was a plethora of advice that just didn’t add up for me.

Professors of Happiness

There are so many happiness guru’s out there today, and while I’m thankful for them sharing their experiences of how they found happiness, I discovered it’s a very personal journey.  There is no one program, no one self help book, no one counselor that can give you all the answers.  Somewhere amongst all of these, you’ll have to figure out your own way and what works for you.  So I”m not here to tell you the “right way” or the “only way” or the “perfect way” I”m just here to tell you what’s helping me to find more happiness in my everyday life in hopes that you may take a few ideas from me, add them in with your own ideas and it will equal out to be a better life for you.

My Ideas + Your Ideas = Happiness for you

What causes Unhappiness

One thing I needed to discover before I could find happiness was what exactly was causing my unhappiness.  It seemed that there were very few times even when I felt very happy that I was genuinely happy.  While I discovered many reasons that I won’t go into now, one of the things I found was that I had an overwhelming sense of never being quite good enough. There are many reasons why I’ve always had this nagging feeling, but I’m focusing on the present and in the present my feeling of not feeling good enough was caused solely from myself.  I would see my adult children struggling and think, “I must have done something wrong raising them.”  I went an entire year without speaking to one of my sisters and felt an enormous guilt about not being a good enough sibling.  My business would go through a hard month and I’d blame myself for not being a good enough owner/coach/manager.  I would gain a few pounds and feel not good enough to take pictures with my kids or just of myself.  I think this feeling of never being quite good enough, no matter how good I really was, took away my happiness. In a book I read by Chris Prentiss titled “Zen and the Art of Happiness” he explained that what causes stress, anxiety and often depression are our thoughts.  These emotions are caused because we think that an event in the future isn’t going to turn out well.  Someone’s going to hurt us, we’re going to fail, we’re going to be embarrassed or ashamed or even hurt someone else. This worrying about the future takes away our happiness, causes sleepless nights, causes illness, causes us to live empty lives. I learned that my worries of not being good enough were senseless worries. I am good enough, I am good enough because I do my best, and that’s all I can do, the rest I have to let go, because I choose to live in this moment. I can’t go back and change the way I raised my children, I can’t take away the year I didn’t speak to my sister, I can’t totally control the fact that people enroll and un-enroll in my business, it’s just life.  I can only control my thoughts right now at this moment. You see a pattern here? My feelings of unworthiness all stemmed from thinking about the past…

So….have I found Happiness

While I haven’t perfected the art of happiness, and I’m not sure I ever will, I can tell you that my life is changing for the better.  At this time last month, probably even last week, I wouldn’t have written this blog because I’d worry that it wouldn’t be good enough, that someone would criticize me, that it wouldn’t make sense, etc. etc. This morning when I woke up, I had this on my mind.  My intuition was telling me to share my experience with this subject and that is how I’m choosing to live, in the present moment.  When I start to feel anxious I immediately realize it’s because I’m thinking about something later today or tomorrow or next week or next year, and I turn my thoughts instead to what needs to be done right now.  I truly believe if that is our focus then we don’t need to worry about the future because we’re preparing for the best future in this moment.

Find your Happy

The best advice I can give you to get you on the right path to finding happiness is to take some time to figure out why you’re unhappy. I don’t want you to dwell on it too long, because if you start going back to your childhood and things that happened years and years ago you can wind up stuck in a muck that’s hard to dig out of.  But instead, ask yourself, “Why am I unhappy today, why am I stressed, anxious, not feeling good enough, today?” Then go from there.  I think you’ll find that your thoughts are not on the present, but they’re on the past or the future.  Try today in just the little things to acknowledge what makes you smile, what warms your heart and what makes you happy. I woke up this morning alone, the sun was shining, I got to have my coffee in silence, I got to spend two hours writing with no one asking me for anything, it made me happy. After I finish this blog I have to get to work on some accounting for my business, but I chose to not think or stress about that while I was writing this, because I knew it would cause me anxiety.  Practice staying present today, then practice it again tomorrow and the next day until it becomes a habit.  There are going to be times of stress and anxiety and unhappiness, it’s inevitable, but when those moments come, handle them for what they are: The way you react to the stressors, the anxiety, the feelings of unhappiness or unworthiness make all the difference.  When I have those feelings of not being good enough, and I do still have them, I just pause for a moment, remind myself that I’m good enough right now, I’m the doing the best I can right now, and that’s got to be good enough, cause it’s all I’ve got, that’s all we’ve all got, Right Now….

Peace & love & happiness to you

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff……

Amy

A little poem I wrote about getting thru nights of anxiety and over thinking.  I’m getting better and better at this and I hope you will as well.

sun 2

Self Worth

Many times when we experience heart ache or loss we tell ourselves we aren’t worthy of happiness, of love, of joy.

We think that just because we love someone with all our heart they should automatically love us back and unfortunately that’s just not how life is.  Everyone has a right to their own feelings, choices of who they love and no one can dictate or make someone feel something they don’t.

We often tell ourselves in this situation that it’s okay, “we can love enough for the both of us.” Reality is, that can never work.  If someone doesn’t love you do you really want them in your life?  Do you really want to cling to something that you already know is never going to happen?

I say no, we need to accept what is and let go of what we hoped it would be.  It’s the only way to truly be happy…

Just because he didn’t love you doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving…” –Amy–

Realize that you are worthy of love that you are worthy of happiness and joy.  Just because one person doesn’t return your feelings, doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving. It’s just that maybe that person was never meant for you…move on, love will find you one day but in the meantime love yourself…

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Peace & love always,

Amy

Count the Sunrises…..

“Life goes by so fast, have you ever counted the sunrises that have passed?” -Amy-

Sometimes I complain because I don’t feel like I ever get enough sleep, but this morning I was so grateful that I’m an early riser.  I really hate to miss a sunrise, especially one like this morning.

I’m one that is very nostalgic,  always thinking about my favorite moments, things that remind me of those moments, smells, sights, tastes, etc.  So I do tend to count the days, weeks, months that it’s been since an important event has happened.  I miss that moment, I think about it, and I try to think of it fondly, not in a sad way, and then, I usually feel better about it.

I hope you take this weekend to remember some of the most fond memories you have, but most importantly to make some new memories that years from now, you’ll think back on and remember with love.

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

 

The Journey is the Joy….

If you’re like me, and I’m sure millions of others, we all have that “one arrival point” the one where we think, “ok, this is where I’ll be happy, this is when I’ll know, I’ve arrived..” Maybe it’s when your last child leaves the house, when you make partner at your firm, when you park that new Mercedes in your driveway, pay off your house, retire with a big savings…

The funny thing is, I had all those thoughts too, but you know what, now I’ve gone past at least two of those marks in my life, and now I find that I have more new marks….still more waiting for all my dreams to come true, still more goals…

You see, I’m finding that in this life, there is no “one mark”, there’s no end game, there’s no “i’ve finally reached my happily ever after..”.  Truth is, our final destination is death, that’s the end mark.

I think of yesterday as a sunset, tomorrow a sunrise, only today do we have enough light to share our love and to really live.  You see the burdens of yesterday are what drive people crazy, thinking of all we need to do tomorrow  make us feel defeated, we can only live in the moment.

So for myself, and I hope for you, I’m going to chase more waterfalls, smell more flowers, go outside barefoot, say I love you more, climb more mountains, watch more sunsets, watch more sunrises, spend more time laughing and less crying.

Life can only be lived as we go along,  joy is found in the journey and in the moment, not in a “point of arrival”….

Peace & Love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

 

 

Dreams or Reality….

Good Morning!

I hope this beautiful Saturday finds you well and excited for a new day!

I want to touch base today on reality and dreams.  I’ve struggled with it myself, and would love to hear how you’ve dealt with similar situations.

Have you ever had a dream that touched your reality for just a very short time in your life?  But it was so profound that it has become an obsession.  You continue chasing that feeling you had by that touch.  Maybe it was love or lust or happiness or some other emotion that really hit home with you.  However, the moment was fleeting, and now you have to face the reality that the moment is passed.  How do you do that?  How do you face that reality?

Well, most of us actually don’t face it.  We may seem like we do, but in reality, we just busy ourselves with more things.  It may be work, texting, or calling, anyone and everyone, just to keep our mind off the fact that we need to move on.  We don’t physically want to move on, we want to feel those feelings again so we put off the fact that we aren’t going to feel that way again.  Not that we’ll never feel good again, just not that particular feeling.

So today, I challenge you, and myself, just for today, not promising tomorrow, let yourself feel.  Let yourself grieve, be sad, be upset, whatever emotion it is, let yourself feel it.  Understand that you deserve to feel it, it happened to you, it’s ok to feel the things you’re feeling, it doesn’t make you a failure.  I’m not saying to “waller in misery.”  But unless you let yourself go through it, painful as it may be, you’re never going to get over it, and you’re never going to face reality, you’re going to continue to live a dream life, one that’s made up in your head, and that’s not good for your mind, soul, or body.

Then tonight, when you close your eyes, tell yourself your’e okay, that you made it through the day and tomorrow will be a new day that you’ll also make it through.  One day at a time, step by step, letting yourself feel whatever it is, just be present in your own life, but make sure it’s real….

See ya’ll on Monday!!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….