Tag: life issues

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Taming the Smug Bug

 Smug High

I was recently confronted with an issue that made me feel so much emotion, from sadness to extreme anger. And it got me wondering why this thing was bothering me so much.  Why was I constantly thinking about it, discussing it with others, over thinking at night, etc.  I know from my studies that typically when something that someone else does is really bothering you it’s because you most likely have some underlying issue that may or may not have to do with the issue at hand. So I dug a little deeper…

I think society, myself included has been on a Smug High. Most of the time, I don’t believe it’s intentional.  I think often we get so excited about something and maybe even experience such great joy from it or even physical or mental transformation that we just want to share it with everyone.  However, when that excitement turns into a feeling of, “I’m better or my way is better or healthier or more spiritual,” it becomes a problem.  That is when we become smug.

Types of Smug

There are so many different types of smugness: Spiritual Smugness, Political Smugness, Dietary Smugness, Aesthetic Smugness, and I’m sure many more that I’m not even thinking about.

The most recent incident that brought this whole idea to me was the tragedy of Kolby Bryant and the horrible helicopter accident that claimed the lives of so many families.  Being a huge basketball fan I’ve followed Kolby as millions of others have throughout his whole career.  He was never my favorite, after all, I loved Michael Jordan, and I mean loved him, and Kolby stating he would be greater than him immediately made me have a love hate relationship for him.  However, he was fun to watch, on the court and off.  Did he have trouble, of course he did.  I think most famous extremely wealthy athletes do. Matter of fact, most all humans do, and I am certainly no exception.

Moments after making a post on Facebook of Kolby and one of my favorite quotes of his, a friend also posted something about his death.  However, his post was very offensive to me, and struck a chord that made me both angry and sad.  His post to me was “Politically Smug.” He stated that he wished the general public cared about our democracy being destroyed, our planet being destroyed, etc. as much as they did about an over paid entertainer dying. That statement was a bit one sided and offensive, however, that’s not what really bothered me.  Further down as people started to comment it got uglier and uglier.  At first I felt bad for my friend.  I knew what he was trying to say, and it wasn’t that I didn’t agree with him, but he had used perhaps the wrong wording. However,  further comments went on to slam Kobe, mentioning a case that was never brought to court, mentioning he was never a team player, etc. I now know longer felt bad for my friend. He got entangled in the comments of others, and not only agreed to them but made some even uglier statements himself, and the uglier it got, I realized I wanted no part of it and unfriended this person.

I was actually outraged that anyone on this planet would be attacking the character of someone that just died tragically along with his daughter and other families.  But the more I talked about it and the angrier I became, I started to wonder why this was bothering me so much.  Although I was friends with this person online, I didn’t know him personally, so why would I even care?  And as I dug deeper I found that I too had recently been “Politically Smug.”

I had become so outraged over the Impeachment Trials, and the whole process, I was so upset about our country, that we had a President that was embarrassing, a womanizer, a big bully, that I had even stated, “I literally cannot be friends with anyone that supports Trump.” Now while I myself truly believe that this man cannot stay in power, and I truly believe he’s a terrible person, I also understand that this is my belief.  I can obviously still be friends with others that don’t share my beliefs.  I’m not sure I would ever be comfortable discussing it with someone that I knew supported Trump, because I do not support him, but I shouldn’t allow myself to be so Politically Smug that I think my opinion is the only one that matters.

Once you find yourself becoming offensive/defensive or pushing your beliefs onto others, or bashing one thing to make your point about another thing, you’ve got the bug.

Smug Bug

I think it’s so easy to get excited about something, for instance, I recently switched from vegetarian to vegan.  I’ve seen such health benefits for myself and my family: cholesterol and blood glucose lowered, more energy, weight loss, etc. that of course I want to shout it from the rooftops.  And I think that is great, and it’s an awesome thing to share our life experiences with others, but once it becomes, “Vegan is the only way,” then you’ve run into the Smug Bug.

There are so many examples of becoming smug that the list could go on and on but I think we’ve got the general idea.

Avoiding the Smug Bug

So how do we avoid it? How do we make sure we don’t become Smug? It’s a very difficult thing.  As humans we all have an ego, and I battle with mine daily. I think the more we “get into” whatever it is we’re into: politics, eating healthy, spirituality, the more we think our belief is right and the harder it is to let anyone else have their own opinion. What we don’t realize is that we are never finished.  We are never finished learning, there’s always something new, we’ve never “Arrived,” and if we can remember that, it is easier to squash our own ego just a bit and let others have the opportunity to have their own beliefs and opinions without taking offense to them and without having to become defensive about our own.

Peace & love to you all today,

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff

Amy

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff. It’s available worldwide on Amazon.

I am a Certified Life Coach with specialities in Mental Abuse and Happiness Life.

You may reach me via email [email protected]

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A New Angle

Approaching life from a new angle

 

So today I wanted to talk about our angle on life and ways that it hinders/helps us in our every day life.

“You can’t keep approaching life from the same angle if you’re looking for a different outcome…” -Amy Lopez-

We’ve all seen photographers that get the most gorgeous captures by simply taking the photo from a different angle.  They seem to know that if they just change the smallest thing, perhaps bending down on one knee, moving behind a tree, getting up on a ledge, etc. makes the difference between a humdrum photo and one that captures the heart and mind of the viewer.  So how can we implement this same strategy into our every day life?

What’s your morning angle….

I’ve found that my thoughts first thing in the morning tend to lay the ground work for the day. If I wake up with an angle (feeling) on life that is tired, uninterested, or depressing, that tends to be my pattern for the entire day.  I think we can compare angle to feelings and not our emotional state.  You see if my emotional state is generally joyful and peaceful but I have occasional feelings of depression, unhappiness, just a general un-interest in life that is okay, it’s normal, everyone has these feelings occasionally, everyone has experienced this angle on life.  But if our emotional state is balanced then we learn to move past those feelings, (change our angle.)

So how do we change our angle….

I wish I could say it’s as easy as the photographer getting down on one knee or moving to a spot with better lighting, but unfortunately it takes a little more work.  To change your angle (feelings) you’ll need to ask yourself a few things:  Why am I feeling this way? What has happened or caused me to have this angle on life today? Examine it, be quiet with your thoughts, then tell yourself what you need to say to change this angle.

   Here’s an example of my own:  I woke up two days ago feeling just distraught.  I had been on such a high for the past week, things had been almost perfect with my relationships, work was going awesome, I was eating great, etc.  But this morning I just couldn’t shake it, I felt like a black cloud was over me.  I barely spoke to anyone, except for simple yes, no, maybe answers.  I didn’t read, I didn’t do yoga, I basically scrolled through social media for hours, mindless.  I tried to play it off and smile throughout the whole day, but several people noticed and questioned what was wrong.  By noon, I had had enough of myself.  I sat in a quiet place on my back porch and said, “Amy, what is it?  Why has your angle on life changed so drastically today?”  When I pondered this question I realized, number one, It was actually the time in my cycle where my emotions always run high.  So I forgave myself for not remembering that, and just moving past it.  Number two, I realized that a conversation the previous day with a lawyer about a business venture had gone very badly for me.  Instead of accepting it, I had let it change my feelings on life, I let it move me to a new angle that was too dark, the picture was not going to turn out.  You’d be surprised on how just realizing what is causing you to feel a certain way can open you up to how you can change your angle.  I decided that my life was still the same beautiful life I had the day before, that I had simply let one little thing ruin my morning.  I accepted that there was nothing I could do to change the way things turned out with the lawyer, I let my ego go on that one, haha.  And I sat and told myself how many things I was blessed with (changed my angle.)  

I think when you come to the realization that your angle (feelings) are fleeting and you can change them so easily, it makes life much more pleasant.  Keep your emotional state separate from your feelings, they aren’t the same thing.  As long as I am seeking a joyful peaceful, kind life, than an occasional feeling of anything other than that is simply that, an occasional feeling.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps…..Soon Enuff

Love & Peace

Amy

Find me on social media:  Facebook @lilbitsofme22 and also @coffeepoetryandalilbitofme

Twitter:  @amylo_5

Instagram: @lilbitsofme22 and amylo_05 and @coffee_poetry_lilbitofme

 

 

 

 

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The Moon and Me…

Tonights Super Snow Moon will be the biggest and brightest of 2019! With it there seems to come a lot of energy.  I’ve heard from several friends they’ve had a hard time sleeping, their brains won’t shut down or they’re feeling anxious.  I believe this is all coming from the Full Snow Moon tonight.  My best advice is to use that energy to your advantage.  Perhaps get started on a project you’ve been putting off, maybe work on solving a problem that’s been plaguing you for some time. While it’s true, the atmosphere is very emotionally charged today/tonight it doesn’t mean you’re going crazy, it means you need to channel the energy you’re feeling into something healthy.

You know I have this thing about the moon….I believe it’s at our darkest time when we are shown the most light.  You see, the sun, it sees us when we tend to be at our brightest and best, our best face on, out to conquer the world.  But the moon, it hears our deepest thoughts, the ones we don’t share with anyone, maybe the ones we’re ashamed we’re thinking.  The moon doesn’t judge, the moon loves me even at my worst.

     The Moon & Me

     The sun sees me

when I’m at my best,

but the moon, the moon

knows all my secrets and

loves me nonetheless….

Written By:  Amy Lopez

 

Be mindful today of all the swirling energy around you.  Be present in your day and love your life enough to be aware of what’s happening around you.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Peace & love, Amy

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Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting….

I think a lot of times people get confused between two words: forgive & forget.

Forgiving  means you stop blaming and being angry at someone that has wronged you. Most people view forgiving as an act that is done to free oneself of anger, bitterness, sadness, etc. for something that was done to them.  Nowhere in the dictionary or the bible or any poetry books does the word forgive mean to forget the wrong doing.

I don’t believe any of us ever forget, especially when something has been so painful and deeply hurt us, like a betrayal of love, a lie that leads to considerable damage, etc. Small things, like calling someone a bad name, that can most likely be forgotten, but in the largest matters of the heart (love), we never forget.

Over time the memory may get easier to live with.  We may find that it doesn’t knock the breath out of us anymore when we remember, that it doesn’t stop us from eating, or functioning in reality when we remember.  But nevertheless, the memory is still there.

Sometimes even the best meaning people that want to love us with all their heart, simply can’t because they can’t forget how we wronged them.  They can forgive, but the memories are just too painful and continue to haunt them every time they look at us.

Some loves go so wrong that even after years of attempting to fix them, years of trying desperately to make things work, they just can’t.  But at what point do you put a stop to it? 10 years, 20, 35? I’m not sure the answer for anyone, because I know everyones threshold of tolerance and pain are different.  But if you are truly trying and you’ve asked forgiveness, that’s all you can do.  The other parties involved, either choose to stay around you, or they don’t.  But if they do choose to stay, even after something very painful has been done to them, then the “throwing it in your face” has to stop.  Every little argument cannot erupt with bringing up what was done in the past to use to destroy the other person that has already asked forgiveness.

To continue to allow someone to break you down over and over again after they’ve repeatedly told you they love you and have forgiven you is just allowing damage to yourself that you’re not going to be able to repair unless you walk away.

You don’t want to walk away because you blame yourself.  You understand to some degree the other persons hurt, after all, you’re the one that caused it.  You live with guilt every day, even without the other person reminding you of it.  But once you’ve done all you can, there’s just no more you can do, and as painful as it may be, both parties need to put an end to the pain and do their best to move on.

I am of course, as most of you guessed, writing this from a personal level.  I caused a great deal of pain to someone that I love, something that I’ve known from the beginning would never be able to forget, let alone forgive.  I did my best, read all the self help books to try and be the best person I could be. Tried to love him so hard that he would hopefully be able to love me in return, while forgetting slowly the pain I inflicted, but it’s all to no avail.  I’m terrible at letting go, I’ll fight my way through a tiger cage most times, but I have found that I can only be broken so many times.  He’s reminded me time and again what a terrible person I am, how I’ve ruined my family, how I’ve totally killed him, and in the end, he’s won.  I live with guilt every single day, things I can never fix, things I can’t take back, feelings I can’t undo for anyone involved.

I’ve thrown all the self love books away, because I’ve read so many, and still don’t love myself.  How can I when I’ve hurt everyone around me.  But I’ve also come to realize that he doesn’t deserve anymore pain, and the least amount of pain is going to come when I let go of a dream to reconcile my family and just let him go, wishing him to find peace in his life without me.

The poem I wrote on this subject several years ago:

“She lives with sins that she thinks are unforgivable, she’s been trying for years to forget that love that remains unforgettable.  She judges herself too hard, her struggle is real.  Some days she is strong, her soul tries not to feel, but some nights she loses the battle, for the heart has its own will…”  -Amy-

I hope you all find peace, whether it is in forgiving someone else or asking forgiveness from someone.  Just don’t forget, if you are the one forgiving, and you choose to stay, regardless of what’s been done, then you must let it go. You cannot continue to bring up the past and attack and break down the person that’s begging your forgiveness.  If you can’t do that, then leave…

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps Soon Enuff…