She’s no magician….

None of us are magicians….

My very dear friend, Alfa Holden, wrote this:  “The problem with love is, you can love who you want…but so can they.”

You know you can knock yourself out being the most beautiful, funny, caring, and loving person on the planet, and you still may not be the one for the person you love.  I think it’s so important to grasp this concept early so that we realize there is nothing wrong with us, it’s just how life is.  How many times did a boy/girl have a crush on you or actually fall in love with you and yet you had no feelings whatsoever for them? It happens.  But when it happens to us we tend to take it a lot more personally.

Magic Potion

When we fall in love with someone we go all in and it hurts like hell when it’s not reciprocated.  But there’s no magic potion here.  You can’t drop something in their water that makes them magically fall in love with you no matter how hard you try or how much you want it.  In fact, often times, the harder you try to force something, the worse the whole situation becomes.  I don’t think the other person even means to hurt us, perhaps they really want to love us back, but just as you cannot help your feelings, neither can they.  It may not be that they’re in love with someone else, it’s just simply that they don’t share the same feelings you do, they aren’t in love with you.

So what’s the magic trick

So how do you get through this type of heartache?  I truly believe that if you love yourself, if you know your worth, if you know you’re a beautiful soul, then you can get through it.  You can slowly start to understand that it’s not you, you’re an amazing person, you just aren’t the one for them, and you have to let that heal you.  The magic trick is really believing in yourself while letting the person go.  It doesn’t mean your love ends, it just means you are moving on.  Don’t stay in a relationship that you have to force, it will only hurt you and it will hurt the very one you say you love.  You must believe with all your beautiful soul that love will one day be returned and the relationship will indeed be magical.

A little poem I wrote: “I hoped that somehow out of all the brokenness something good could come.  That perhaps the heartache we caused could be undone.  But you can’t keep pretending to look forward to something you dread, you’re no magician, you can’t bring life back to love that’s already dead.” @AmyLopez @LilBitsofMe22

magician

 

Magic Book

I truly wish I could write a book titled,  “Magic Tricks for Love.” In fact, I’m fairly certain that if you searched social media or google long enough, you’d most likely stumble upon that very book written by someone trying to take advantage of heart broken souls. However, it would be a big book of magical lies because there is no magic book and there are no magic tricks. Remember, believing in yourself, that’s all the magic you need!

Peace, love & happiness I wish for you!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Amy

You can follow my very dear friend, who is a wonderful writer and author of three Best Selling books, @alfapoet.com and on social media: FB: @AlfaHolden  IG: @alfa.poet Twitter: @alfa_poet

 

Self Worth

Many times when we experience heart ache or loss we tell ourselves we aren’t worthy of happiness, of love, of joy.

We think that just because we love someone with all our heart they should automatically love us back and unfortunately that’s just not how life is.  Everyone has a right to their own feelings, choices of who they love and no one can dictate or make someone feel something they don’t.

We often tell ourselves in this situation that it’s okay, “we can love enough for the both of us.” Reality is, that can never work.  If someone doesn’t love you do you really want them in your life?  Do you really want to cling to something that you already know is never going to happen?

I say no, we need to accept what is and let go of what we hoped it would be.  It’s the only way to truly be happy…

Just because he didn’t love you doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving…” –Amy–

Realize that you are worthy of love that you are worthy of happiness and joy.  Just because one person doesn’t return your feelings, doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving. It’s just that maybe that person was never meant for you…move on, love will find you one day but in the meantime love yourself…

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Peace & love always,

Amy

Friendship….

Meaning of friendship: Kindness, love, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, ability to be oneself, and to make mistakes without fear of judgement from the friend.

A new study came out that was done over the last four years have now consistently found that adults with the highest levels of happiness and general well being also reported strong, close ties to at least one or multiple friends.  Having a friend in adult-hood provides companionship, affection, and emotional support.  It has been to improve good health and longevity.  Conversely, loneliness has been linked to increased heart disease , viral infection and cancer, as well as higher mortality rates.

I’ve struggled a bit with adult-hood friendships.  My childhood best friend, from about 4th grade until we were adults was my everything.  She was my lioness, my soul mate, my confidante…all the things listed above under the meaning of friend… She passed away when we were in our early 30’s of breast cancer.  It was devastating and I struggled for years afterwards, really keeping my distance from friends.  As my children have now become adults, I have found that they are some of my best friends.  However, friendships with your family members aren’t quite the same, and here’s why….

As family members, we still tend to impose our own will, at times being judgemental, even if we try not to, because it’s a different type of love.  A true friend, that’s not family, we don’t judge, we are just there for each other, to help and care for, even in distance.  A friend is just a totally different type of relationship…you can possibly go days, weeks, and occasionally even months without talking, and yet, pick right back up where you left off at any given moment. Friends, at soul level, can feel each other’s pain, yet, understand that it’s not their pain, and instead support the other by being their lion, giving them the best advice, and just being there to listen without imposing our own will onto them.

In all honesty, I’m still a little guarded, but I have come to have two very close friends, that aren’t family.  I don’t depend on them for anything, which is a different type of feeling.  I just know that they are there if I need to talk or need an honest opinion on something.  It’s a great relationship, that offers nothing in and of itself, except acceptance and understanding.

I hope if you have been struggling with loneliness you’ll put yourself out there and make new friends, or even perhaps, look up that old friend that you’ve grown apart from and re-kindle a relationship that is beneficial for both of you. Friendship is one of the most important foundations in our lives, and I truly believe that a friendship out of family, is very important.

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff

The Journey is the Joy….

If you’re like me, and I’m sure millions of others, we all have that “one arrival point” the one where we think, “ok, this is where I’ll be happy, this is when I’ll know, I’ve arrived..” Maybe it’s when your last child leaves the house, when you make partner at your firm, when you park that new Mercedes in your driveway, pay off your house, retire with a big savings…

The funny thing is, I had all those thoughts too, but you know what, now I’ve gone past at least two of those marks in my life, and now I find that I have more new marks….still more waiting for all my dreams to come true, still more goals…

You see, I’m finding that in this life, there is no “one mark”, there’s no end game, there’s no “i’ve finally reached my happily ever after..”.  Truth is, our final destination is death, that’s the end mark.

I think of yesterday as a sunset, tomorrow a sunrise, only today do we have enough light to share our love and to really live.  You see the burdens of yesterday are what drive people crazy, thinking of all we need to do tomorrow  make us feel defeated, we can only live in the moment.

So for myself, and I hope for you, I’m going to chase more waterfalls, smell more flowers, go outside barefoot, say I love you more, climb more mountains, watch more sunsets, watch more sunrises, spend more time laughing and less crying.

Life can only be lived as we go along,  joy is found in the journey and in the moment, not in a “point of arrival”….

Peace & Love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

 

 

When you can do nothing…what can you do

You’ve heard the saying, “Acceptance is a small quiet room…” I often wondered the meaning, and I’m sure many people interpret it differently, but for me it means this: Sometimes you put up a good fight, you do your best, and all of your efforts, just won’t matter.  Sometimes there is nothing more you can do, but accept that this particular person, or situation, or group, etc. is just going to let you down.  And when you finally realize that, and you finally accept it, it feels like you’re standing in a small room that’s quiet and for the moment, you’re all alone.

My poem this morning:  I’ve been through a lot of changes but the one thing that’s remained constant:  People will let you down.  You learn to accept it, and I can laugh when I say it, but the truth is so sad, that even my laugh has a frown….-Amy-

So what can you do?  Honestly, when you can do nothing, you can only do what you can.  You move on, you go about your way.  You try to forgive the person, situation, group, whatever it may be.  Not for them, but for yourself.  Because holding onto resentment, anger, hatred, it only ends up hurting you.  Truth be told, whatever it was that you let you down, probably isn’t even remotely worried about it, hell, they may not even know or care.  So for your own sake, you forgive.  All we can do is the best we can. I’m not saying you won’t be sad or that you won’t carry a little of the pain in your soul forever, because I’m sure you will, I know I have.  But it gets better over time.

You learn to smile, even if your smile wears a slight frown, you still smile.  Life’s about doing the best we can for ourselves and by doing that, we are doing what’s ultimately best for everyone else.  It’s about making choices, it’s about having to make a few sacrifices along the way, give and take, take and give.  But life is good, and the sooner we can accept that we can’t control every situation, we can’t make everyone do the right thing, the more peace you’ll have in your life, I truly believe that.

Love & Peace

Cause I’m not there, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Be your own Valentine….

 

Happy Wednesday, I hope you do something for yourself to make today beautiful!

My morning poem:  A holiday celebrating love can be the loneliest time, especially when you have no Valentine…-Amy-

So listen, I know there are a lot of people out there that won’t have anyone to say Happy Valentines Day to.  Maybe you won’t receive chocolates or flowers, or even a sweet text, but please, don’t let it ruin your day.  After all, today is also just Wednesday, and there are a lot of things you can do to make it beautiful.

Here are a few things I’m going to practice today to make my day better:  Send my kids cute messages, because I want them to know that not just today, but everyday I love them, they’re my forever Valentines.  Buy flowers for myself, to put on my stand in front of where I do my yoga practice, this is where I also placed rocks that I brought back from the beach, just to bring good memories and make me feel more relaxed. Take a hot bath, sprinkle some lavender in the water and just soak in it.  It’s rare that I take the time, I’m usually jumping in feeling rushed to hurry in and out of the shower, so this will be really nice.  Just basically loving myself.

I know it’s kind of cliche these days, everyone seems to be into “self-love.”  I think self-love is great, do I think you should only care about yourself, and not put other’s feelings into prospective, and sometimes put them above your own feelings, absolutely not.  There are a lot of times we have to sacrifice a bit of ourselves to make someone else happy.  At least I do, because making others happy is often what makes me the happiest.

So today, whether you have a Valentine or not, show yourself some extra love, be mindful of how much you have been blessed with, and honestly, you may not at this moment have a “love of your life,” but believe me, you are loved, and you need to remember that today and everyday….

Also….as a side note: who needs chocolate anyways? go workout, it’s healthier for that heart that everyone will be posting pictures of 😉

So here’s my message to you: Happy Wednesday, Happy Valentine’s Day, make today beautiful cause you are beautiful my friend!

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

Love or Lust, or is it?

Good morning, hope you take this Tuesday and make it beautiful…

So here’s my morning poem, and also my thoughts on the matter of Love or Lust…

“Why do they say, “you’re in lust, not love?” Why is it fantasy and dreaming versus reality and life?  I’m not sure about the type of love others are in, or their opinions on the subject, but I can tell you that the one I long for, the person I crave the most, the one I fantasize about during the day and dream about at night, the one I lust after, is also the one I love.  Why would you ever settle for anyone that doesn’t make you feel all of the above?”

Ever really thought about it?  Why does love tend to get boring after years?  Why do we start to take the ones we love for granted, not look at them with the same lust in our eyes as when we first met?  I believe it’s because we get in a rut.  Often on the part of both partners, we get complacent.  We stop worrying so much about how we look for them.  When we first met, we would dress up, make sure hair and make up looked good, probably worked out to be in tip top shape for them.  We had sex all the time, cause it was exciting and new.  And then, we let the days turn into years, life gets complacent, we think everything’s fine, we stop trying to impress the ones we love.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we have to impress at all times, I’m just saying if you want to keep some spice in your love life, remember what it was like when you first met.  Dress up and do your hair and make up, especially on occasion.  Buy a sexy nighty, buy some candles, reserve a hotel. Why not keep life fun and keep love interesting and romantic, sexy and you know what, those fantasies you have? Make them a reality….

I know life can get tough, things get in the way, we’re tired, overworked, stressed.  If you still have young kids I know you’re frazzled, sometimes the last thing you want at night is someone else grabbing at you, ha. Believe, me I was there at one stage in my life.  But from experience, looking back now, I wish someone would have told me how important it is to keep the sex life alive in your love life.  Sometimes you just need to breath, relax, let your partner know you’re tired, but that you do want to be with them, let them take the reigns, and let yourself be mindful of just the moment your in.  Don’t think about the day or what you have to do tomorrow, just think about how it feels to be being loved at that moment, your body needs it, your mind needs it, and believe me your partner needs it as well.  I honestly believe our sex lives are just as important as eating right and exercising, it’s all part of a healthy well rounded life.

Love & peace!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

Dreams or Reality….

Good Morning!

I hope this beautiful Saturday finds you well and excited for a new day!

I want to touch base today on reality and dreams.  I’ve struggled with it myself, and would love to hear how you’ve dealt with similar situations.

Have you ever had a dream that touched your reality for just a very short time in your life?  But it was so profound that it has become an obsession.  You continue chasing that feeling you had by that touch.  Maybe it was love or lust or happiness or some other emotion that really hit home with you.  However, the moment was fleeting, and now you have to face the reality that the moment is passed.  How do you do that?  How do you face that reality?

Well, most of us actually don’t face it.  We may seem like we do, but in reality, we just busy ourselves with more things.  It may be work, texting, or calling, anyone and everyone, just to keep our mind off the fact that we need to move on.  We don’t physically want to move on, we want to feel those feelings again so we put off the fact that we aren’t going to feel that way again.  Not that we’ll never feel good again, just not that particular feeling.

So today, I challenge you, and myself, just for today, not promising tomorrow, let yourself feel.  Let yourself grieve, be sad, be upset, whatever emotion it is, let yourself feel it.  Understand that you deserve to feel it, it happened to you, it’s ok to feel the things you’re feeling, it doesn’t make you a failure.  I’m not saying to “waller in misery.”  But unless you let yourself go through it, painful as it may be, you’re never going to get over it, and you’re never going to face reality, you’re going to continue to live a dream life, one that’s made up in your head, and that’s not good for your mind, soul, or body.

Then tonight, when you close your eyes, tell yourself your’e okay, that you made it through the day and tomorrow will be a new day that you’ll also make it through.  One day at a time, step by step, letting yourself feel whatever it is, just be present in your own life, but make sure it’s real….

See ya’ll on Monday!!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….