When darkness settles in…..

So just gonna be super vulnerable and honest here, cause my writing is as much therapy for myself, as it is also, the hope that I’m providing for you.  Yesterday, I really struggled.  It went from 75 degrees and sunny to rainy, gloomy and low 40’s. I had people let me down that I was really counting on, I had a loved one yell at me, and I do mean yell, for no apparent reason.  I was kind to several people through text and email, and I was shown not one ounce of kindness.  I felt let down, I was tired, and frankly, I was more depressed than I have been in quite awhile.  I couldn’t even make myself work out.  So I did the only thing I could do, I went to bed.  I slept until the middle of the afternoon, woke up and did some writing, and went back to bed.  I didn’t eat all day, oh except, a few chocolate chips, which helped in making me feel even worse about myself 🙂

So this morning when I woke up, I actually felt better, a little more energetic, and good thoughts, like, “I am not having another day like that…”  It lasted for a few hours, and then I felt the darkness settling in on me again.  So I sat down and looked through my gallery of pictures, which usually helps me feel better, and I wrote this poem:

I hope in the middle of an ordinary day, you’ll be blessed with some things you didn’t see coming your way.  Perhaps kindness shown by another human being.  I hope that you see mountains and streams, or so many other beautiful things.  I hope today your mind will be filled with wonder, the way it used to be when you were younger….–Amy—

And well, I still feel a little gloomy, but it helped, I got up washed my face, got my workout clothes on and did Yoga.  I know exercise isn’t a cure all, but I’m telling you, it really helped me.  I think sweating and getting your heart pumping, stretching your body, opening up your chest to expand your heart, being mindful of your breathing, well, it just makes you feel alive. And that’s exactly what I needed after a day of not feeling alive at all.

Like a lot of others I struggle with depression, and usually I can fight through it, it’s been months since I’ve had a day like yesterday, but I’m real, it happens, and sometimes I don’t defeat it, and that’s what happened yesterday, I gave in to it.  Today, I will not, I will fight like a champion, and even if there’s a dark cloud over me, I’ll look for my own sunshine, and I hope that you’ll find your own as well.

Peace & Love

Cause I’m not there yet, the battle is for sure real, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

 

Create your own beauty….

I find that I am fascinated by what’s inside things: hearts, minds, flowers…. and how beautiful the inside of things are if we simply look a little deeper, it’s not always what we see at first glance.

I bought a little bouquet of flowers last weekend, they haven’t bloomed yet, and yes, they’re beautiful, but when they aren’t fully opened up they just look like long tubes.  But yesterday, I was feeling a bit down, so I tried to come up with some things around me that are beautiful, and when I peeked inside this tube of a flower with my macro lens and snapped a shot,  I couldn’t believe how beautiful it truly was, it just wasn’t ready to show the world yet.

My Poem: Some days just hurt, you may try to smile, but nothing seems to work.  I’ve had many of those days, and I’ve found the key, is in looking around you and creating your own beauty…-Amy-

I found that taking this picture, editing it, spending time just looking at it, and then writing about how I felt about it, was therapeutic for me.  I felt better, I smiled, I was happy at the beauty I found right inside my own house, I just hadn’t been looking hard enough.

I hope today if you are feeling blue, or just need some sunshine in your life, look around you, see that beautiful things are truly everywhere.  And if you honestly can’t find something, go outside, pick a flower, watch a snowflake, watch the rain as it puddles up, or go to the store and buy your own flower or plant, create your own beauty, and watch how beautiful you become to yourself and to those around you.

Kindness matters and so do you:)

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

 

Don’t let the gray get in your way….

 

 

Happy Weekend!!

So I was really planning all week long to head out for a long hike this weekend, perhaps scout out a waterfall or two.  However, it was raining when I went to bed last night, and of course, this morning it is gray and gloomy, cold, and actually a chance of snow for tomorrow.  Feeling a little down, as I’m indoors much of the week.

However, I got to thinking about ways to make even gray beautiful, and I thought to myself, “add some color…” So I literally got out a coloring book, yes, the adult ones, that I’ve always thought a little strange…After getting a page finished, I actually felt better, my mood had lifted, and I started to think of more things I could do to bring color to my gray weekend.

I decided I would focus on making some new goals for myself.  I work out a lot but over the winter months, actually since October or so, I’ve put on a little weight, and just haven’t been feeling particularly comfortable with my body, so I sat down and wrote out where I’d like to be in say, 30 days.  I have a big trip planned and I really want to feel good in my own skin.  So I planned out a new healthy eating strategy and workout goals, and I’m giving myself my own 30 day challenge.  BTW: I’d love for any of you to join me if you’re in the same boat.  If you’re interested in that, shoot me an email:)  I also set up a private group for only 40 and older men and women who want to set some goals and motivate each other for the next 30 days.  I love meeting and making new friends, especially ones that are as like minded as me, and I also love to see people reach their goals and share in their journey along the way.

I’ve been really into yoga for about  6 weeks now, as well as many other forms of exercise, as I don’t like to get bored, so I mix it up a lot.  But I’m telling you I can feel such a difference with the yoga.  My joints aren’t as achy, I’m so much more flexible, even in this short amount of time, and I just feel better mentally.  I think the mindfulness of a little meditation along with really being aware of your body in the yoga poses has really helped me, and I think if you give it a try it will help you as well. I’m not one of those “serious yogi’s”, that’s why I don’t think I could ever participate in a class at a studio.  I tend to laugh too much, swear a little too much and I’m a little too competitive, I don’t like when I can’t do a pose correctly, hahah.  But I do really enjoy doing it in my own home, and it’s so much cheaper 🙂

So this weekend, don’t let the gray get in your way of having fun, add some color to your weekend, set some goals, focus on yourself and your family, play games, make some healthy new recipes and ya know what?  Color, and when you color, color outside the lines…..

Love & Peace

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff

 

Less Anxiety & Fear….

Good morning, Happy Thursday, can’t believe another week has almost passed us by, make today count, you won’t get it back.

My morning poem:  Been having some real confusion on the direction my life needs to take right now, can’t seem to make a decision that will please everyone.  So I went to the ocean, to let my body unwind a bit, to just let my thoughts come undone.  Just for awhile I thought nothing but about the very moment I was in.  The sounds, the smells, the beauty, the way the mist felt on my skin.  And later when I returned, my problems were still here, but I’m facing them with less anxiety, and most importantly, with less fear… – Amy –

I know not everyone can just take a stroll down the road and be at a beautiful beach or a waterfall or in the mountains. But everyone can step outside, whether you live in a major city, suburb, or way out in the middle of nowhere, millions of miles away in Egypt.  Today if you’re struggling with decisions, or just life in general, take a moment or two, step outside, think of what’s beautiful, anything at all.  Maybe you see a beautiful tree, flower, puppy, ocean, mountain, or waterfall.  Or maybe all you can see is people busy bustling around with their stressed out lives.  Even that can be a blessing, think about how you don’t want that for your life, and then do your best to make it all slow down.  Breath deeply, in through your nose, big exhale through your mouth, be mindful for just a few moments, and then go back in, take on your day, see if it helps just a bit.

I know a lot of our health issues today, especially in America, are stress related.  We think we have to have our shit together at all times, that we have to know exactly what our plan is, where our life is headed and how we’re going to get there.  We need perfect lovers, spouses, children, we need to be perfect ourselves.  And it’s all a lie.  I can highly bet that the majority of us are in the same boat.  We don’t know what the hell we’re really doing, we’re just doing it.

Life shouldn’t be this difficult, there should be hard work, yes, but if we aren’t enjoying life, then why were given it in the first place?  Find some joy today, put away thoughts of perfection, we’re all a little fucked up and that’s ok.  I have a real issue with this, and I’m doing my best to find a way to deal with it.  Ocean therapy is a big one for me, but any type of nature brings me peace and healing.

I hope you find a little peace today and I hope it brings a little healing to your life.

I love this poem titled “Peace” by J.W. Von Goethe

“There is only silence

on the mountain tops

Among the tips of the trees

You perceive barely a breath

Even the birds in the forest

Keep still and are silent

Wait then

Just a little while longer

and you too

will find peace at last.”

Cause I”m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff……

 

Be your own Valentine….

 

Happy Wednesday, I hope you do something for yourself to make today beautiful!

My morning poem:  A holiday celebrating love can be the loneliest time, especially when you have no Valentine…-Amy-

So listen, I know there are a lot of people out there that won’t have anyone to say Happy Valentines Day to.  Maybe you won’t receive chocolates or flowers, or even a sweet text, but please, don’t let it ruin your day.  After all, today is also just Wednesday, and there are a lot of things you can do to make it beautiful.

Here are a few things I’m going to practice today to make my day better:  Send my kids cute messages, because I want them to know that not just today, but everyday I love them, they’re my forever Valentines.  Buy flowers for myself, to put on my stand in front of where I do my yoga practice, this is where I also placed rocks that I brought back from the beach, just to bring good memories and make me feel more relaxed. Take a hot bath, sprinkle some lavender in the water and just soak in it.  It’s rare that I take the time, I’m usually jumping in feeling rushed to hurry in and out of the shower, so this will be really nice.  Just basically loving myself.

I know it’s kind of cliche these days, everyone seems to be into “self-love.”  I think self-love is great, do I think you should only care about yourself, and not put other’s feelings into prospective, and sometimes put them above your own feelings, absolutely not.  There are a lot of times we have to sacrifice a bit of ourselves to make someone else happy.  At least I do, because making others happy is often what makes me the happiest.

So today, whether you have a Valentine or not, show yourself some extra love, be mindful of how much you have been blessed with, and honestly, you may not at this moment have a “love of your life,” but believe me, you are loved, and you need to remember that today and everyday….

Also….as a side note: who needs chocolate anyways? go workout, it’s healthier for that heart that everyone will be posting pictures of 😉

So here’s my message to you: Happy Wednesday, Happy Valentine’s Day, make today beautiful cause you are beautiful my friend!

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

Light in the dark…

Good morning, hope your Tuesday is beautiful!

My morning poem: She placed the picture by her bed, she knew there would be some dark times ahead.  It was majestic and made her focus on the light when she was sleepless, on those very dark nights.  Meditating on the sound of the waves made her body calm.  She had always known the ocean, was where she belonged….-Amy-

Spent a long weekend in Rhode Island with my daughter.  This picture was a flight I took my drone on, it came back with some amazing videos and photos.  I’ve always loved nature, but the ocean, has always seemed the place that made my heart feel renewed.  I’ve visited all different places with beautiful oceans from Florida to Washington State to Oregon, to Rhode Island, and all are equally beautiful and majestic.  This was, however, the most beautiful lighthouse I have seen and also one of the oldest.  It was the 3rd light house built on the Atlantic Ocean way back in the 1700’s.  I felt so much history and though a little spooky, it was so calming to know that this beacon of light had probably saved thousands of lives.

Have you ever placed your favorite pictures by your bed, or just in your bedroom?  I have several.  A few of my favorite sunsets, flowers, and now this one of this lighthouse.  I used to think that mediating was quite odd, and to be honest, I can barely get my mind to “be still” for a few seconds, let alone several minutes.  Since beginning Yoga though, I’ve really been focusing on just being mindful, which has helped me calm my mind and let it just be still, even for a few minutes.

I’m a really light sleeper, and honestly don’t sleep too well most nights, but I’ve started practicing placing my most calming pictures closest to my bed.  On those nights I wake up restless, or sad, or my mind is just going a thousand miles a minute, I reign my focus in on one of those pictures, and I replay how I felt at the moment I took the pictures, or on how the picture itself makes me feel.  I remember the excitement of flying the drone and just listening to the crashing of the waves, and it makes me feel happy to be alive and to have had the chance to be there.  I focus on one of my favorite sunset pictures from Washington State on the ocean and it makes me remember how happy I was at that moment, and how absolutely beautiful it was and it calms me.  Sometimes I focus on a few of my favorite purple flower pictures, I think about the smell and of how beautiful the world is if we truly just look to find the beauty in it.

I hope maybe this practice will give you some good ideas if you struggle with resting like I do.  It really has helped me, and just the practice of being mindful alone has changed my life for the better.

I hope your Tuesday is truly beautiful, and hey, run to CVS, print off some $0.39 pictures, put them in some lovely frames, it’s cheap and one of the best therapies I’ve found….

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Life is short why not live…but live healthy!

Hope this weekend finds you well!

Here is my Saturday morning poem:

I hope that you will find me, there along the shore talking to the waves.  I’ve marked the spot where I’ll return each morning to think about the day….If you could just find a way. -Amy-

Yesterday I arrived in Rhode Island for a short weekend visit with my daughter.  It’s a beautiful part of the earth, and I’m so glad I’ve been blessed to get to visit this area.

I went to bed not feeling well and woke early this morning, after not sleeping much through the night, and wondered why I may be feeling this way.  Often, when traveling and getting busy I lose track of exactly what I’m putting into my body. And I’m definitely paying the price for not eating well yesterday.

After doing some restorative yoga this morning, just to get my mind right and hopefully my body as well, I feel much better and ready to face our fun day.

I hope, that like me, you’ll be more aware today, as we can’t control everything around us but we can control what we put into our mouths.

I love this Mindful poem by Anna

“My awareness settled comfortably in the seat of the present moment open to the symphony of life…”

Life is short, why not live!!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff

 

 

Love or Lust, or is it?

Good morning, hope you take this Tuesday and make it beautiful…

So here’s my morning poem, and also my thoughts on the matter of Love or Lust…

“Why do they say, “you’re in lust, not love?” Why is it fantasy and dreaming versus reality and life?  I’m not sure about the type of love others are in, or their opinions on the subject, but I can tell you that the one I long for, the person I crave the most, the one I fantasize about during the day and dream about at night, the one I lust after, is also the one I love.  Why would you ever settle for anyone that doesn’t make you feel all of the above?”

Ever really thought about it?  Why does love tend to get boring after years?  Why do we start to take the ones we love for granted, not look at them with the same lust in our eyes as when we first met?  I believe it’s because we get in a rut.  Often on the part of both partners, we get complacent.  We stop worrying so much about how we look for them.  When we first met, we would dress up, make sure hair and make up looked good, probably worked out to be in tip top shape for them.  We had sex all the time, cause it was exciting and new.  And then, we let the days turn into years, life gets complacent, we think everything’s fine, we stop trying to impress the ones we love.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we have to impress at all times, I’m just saying if you want to keep some spice in your love life, remember what it was like when you first met.  Dress up and do your hair and make up, especially on occasion.  Buy a sexy nighty, buy some candles, reserve a hotel. Why not keep life fun and keep love interesting and romantic, sexy and you know what, those fantasies you have? Make them a reality….

I know life can get tough, things get in the way, we’re tired, overworked, stressed.  If you still have young kids I know you’re frazzled, sometimes the last thing you want at night is someone else grabbing at you, ha. Believe, me I was there at one stage in my life.  But from experience, looking back now, I wish someone would have told me how important it is to keep the sex life alive in your love life.  Sometimes you just need to breath, relax, let your partner know you’re tired, but that you do want to be with them, let them take the reigns, and let yourself be mindful of just the moment your in.  Don’t think about the day or what you have to do tomorrow, just think about how it feels to be being loved at that moment, your body needs it, your mind needs it, and believe me your partner needs it as well.  I honestly believe our sex lives are just as important as eating right and exercising, it’s all part of a healthy well rounded life.

Love & peace!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..

Mindful Aging….

My morning poem:  When you walk out this morning be mindful of every smell, color and texture, all these things will bring your senses pleasure.  And just perhaps one day, we’ll share these treasures together….-Amy-

Good Monday Morning,

New day, new week, let’s make it great!

So does growing older every give you a bit of anxiety?

There are days I get so excited about the stage of life I’m in, kids are grown, I’m older, but still young enough to do pretty much anything I want to.  Still, there are days, I look at myself in the mirror, see the little lines getting more pronounced, having to color my hair a little more often, and times when I worry about my future (older) self.  Financially, health wise, all of it, some days it’s a struggle.

But as I’ve grown in my practice of mindfulness, I’ve come to realize, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about getting older, it’s going to happen, we can’t stop time, and honestly, who would want to?

However, we can change the way we age.  Why does the word age get associated with illness, and becoming decrepit.  Why can’t we grow old and remain healthy?

I believe if we take care of our bodies, minds, and soul through exercise, healthy eating, and healthy living, life can be absolutely wonderful until the end of our days.

Learning to live moment to moment, really living, really tasting life, not just being alive, but being open to every opportunity life gives us, seems to make living worthwhile, and worth living a hundred years!

I hope you take today to be mindful of all the beauty around you.  And if your day is stressful or sad, that’s ok too, accept it for what it is, what it’s showing you, and then tonight when you close your eyes, know that you made it through, and you’re ok, and you’ll be energized to wake up to a new sunrise tomorrow.

Peace & love!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

 

Dreams or Reality….

Good Morning!

I hope this beautiful Saturday finds you well and excited for a new day!

I want to touch base today on reality and dreams.  I’ve struggled with it myself, and would love to hear how you’ve dealt with similar situations.

Have you ever had a dream that touched your reality for just a very short time in your life?  But it was so profound that it has become an obsession.  You continue chasing that feeling you had by that touch.  Maybe it was love or lust or happiness or some other emotion that really hit home with you.  However, the moment was fleeting, and now you have to face the reality that the moment is passed.  How do you do that?  How do you face that reality?

Well, most of us actually don’t face it.  We may seem like we do, but in reality, we just busy ourselves with more things.  It may be work, texting, or calling, anyone and everyone, just to keep our mind off the fact that we need to move on.  We don’t physically want to move on, we want to feel those feelings again so we put off the fact that we aren’t going to feel that way again.  Not that we’ll never feel good again, just not that particular feeling.

So today, I challenge you, and myself, just for today, not promising tomorrow, let yourself feel.  Let yourself grieve, be sad, be upset, whatever emotion it is, let yourself feel it.  Understand that you deserve to feel it, it happened to you, it’s ok to feel the things you’re feeling, it doesn’t make you a failure.  I’m not saying to “waller in misery.”  But unless you let yourself go through it, painful as it may be, you’re never going to get over it, and you’re never going to face reality, you’re going to continue to live a dream life, one that’s made up in your head, and that’s not good for your mind, soul, or body.

Then tonight, when you close your eyes, tell yourself your’e okay, that you made it through the day and tomorrow will be a new day that you’ll also make it through.  One day at a time, step by step, letting yourself feel whatever it is, just be present in your own life, but make sure it’s real….

See ya’ll on Monday!!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….