She’s no magician….

None of us are magicians….

My very dear friend, Alfa Holden, wrote this:  “The problem with love is, you can love who you want…but so can they.”

You know you can knock yourself out being the most beautiful, funny, caring, and loving person on the planet, and you still may not be the one for the person you love.  I think it’s so important to grasp this concept early so that we realize there is nothing wrong with us, it’s just how life is.  How many times did a boy/girl have a crush on you or actually fall in love with you and yet you had no feelings whatsoever for them? It happens.  But when it happens to us we tend to take it a lot more personally.

Magic Potion

When we fall in love with someone we go all in and it hurts like hell when it’s not reciprocated.  But there’s no magic potion here.  You can’t drop something in their water that makes them magically fall in love with you no matter how hard you try or how much you want it.  In fact, often times, the harder you try to force something, the worse the whole situation becomes.  I don’t think the other person even means to hurt us, perhaps they really want to love us back, but just as you cannot help your feelings, neither can they.  It may not be that they’re in love with someone else, it’s just simply that they don’t share the same feelings you do, they aren’t in love with you.

So what’s the magic trick

So how do you get through this type of heartache?  I truly believe that if you love yourself, if you know your worth, if you know you’re a beautiful soul, then you can get through it.  You can slowly start to understand that it’s not you, you’re an amazing person, you just aren’t the one for them, and you have to let that heal you.  The magic trick is really believing in yourself while letting the person go.  It doesn’t mean your love ends, it just means you are moving on.  Don’t stay in a relationship that you have to force, it will only hurt you and it will hurt the very one you say you love.  You must believe with all your beautiful soul that love will one day be returned and the relationship will indeed be magical.

A little poem I wrote: “I hoped that somehow out of all the brokenness something good could come.  That perhaps the heartache we caused could be undone.  But you can’t keep pretending to look forward to something you dread, you’re no magician, you can’t bring life back to love that’s already dead.” @AmyLopez @LilBitsofMe22

magician

 

Magic Book

I truly wish I could write a book titled,  “Magic Tricks for Love.” In fact, I’m fairly certain that if you searched social media or google long enough, you’d most likely stumble upon that very book written by someone trying to take advantage of heart broken souls. However, it would be a big book of magical lies because there is no magic book and there are no magic tricks. Remember, believing in yourself, that’s all the magic you need!

Peace, love & happiness I wish for you!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Amy

You can follow my very dear friend, who is a wonderful writer and author of three Best Selling books, @alfapoet.com and on social media: FB: @AlfaHolden  IG: @alfa.poet Twitter: @alfa_poet

 

Pursuing Happiness

My pursuit of Happiness

I’ve been reading self help books lately, most with the word “Happiness” in their title.  I’ve had this nagging unhappiness most of my life.  Even when I was happy, I’ve never felt a genuine sense of well being.  So I set out on this journey about a year ago to pursue happiness, and wow, my journey has taken me through more dark valleys than I ever imagined.  I thought surely by seeking new ways to be happy I would be happy.  What I found however was a plethora of advice that just didn’t add up for me.

Professors of Happiness

There are so many happiness guru’s out there today, and while I’m thankful for them sharing their experiences of how they found happiness, I discovered it’s a very personal journey.  There is no one program, no one self help book, no one counselor that can give you all the answers.  Somewhere amongst all of these, you’ll have to figure out your own way and what works for you.  So I”m not here to tell you the “right way” or the “only way” or the “perfect way” I”m just here to tell you what’s helping me to find more happiness in my everyday life in hopes that you may take a few ideas from me, add them in with your own ideas and it will equal out to be a better life for you.

My Ideas + Your Ideas = Happiness for you

What causes Unhappiness

One thing I needed to discover before I could find happiness was what exactly was causing my unhappiness.  It seemed that there were very few times even when I felt very happy that I was genuinely happy.  While I discovered many reasons that I won’t go into now, one of the things I found was that I had an overwhelming sense of never being quite good enough. There are many reasons why I’ve always had this nagging feeling, but I’m focusing on the present and in the present my feeling of not feeling good enough was caused solely from myself.  I would see my adult children struggling and think, “I must have done something wrong raising them.”  I went an entire year without speaking to one of my sisters and felt an enormous guilt about not being a good enough sibling.  My business would go through a hard month and I’d blame myself for not being a good enough owner/coach/manager.  I would gain a few pounds and feel not good enough to take pictures with my kids or just of myself.  I think this feeling of never being quite good enough, no matter how good I really was, took away my happiness. In a book I read by Chris Prentiss titled “Zen and the Art of Happiness” he explained that what causes stress, anxiety and often depression are our thoughts.  These emotions are caused because we think that an event in the future isn’t going to turn out well.  Someone’s going to hurt us, we’re going to fail, we’re going to be embarrassed or ashamed or even hurt someone else. This worrying about the future takes away our happiness, causes sleepless nights, causes illness, causes us to live empty lives. I learned that my worries of not being good enough were senseless worries. I am good enough, I am good enough because I do my best, and that’s all I can do, the rest I have to let go, because I choose to live in this moment. I can’t go back and change the way I raised my children, I can’t take away the year I didn’t speak to my sister, I can’t totally control the fact that people enroll and un-enroll in my business, it’s just life.  I can only control my thoughts right now at this moment. You see a pattern here? My feelings of unworthiness all stemmed from thinking about the past…

So….have I found Happiness

While I haven’t perfected the art of happiness, and I’m not sure I ever will, I can tell you that my life is changing for the better.  At this time last month, probably even last week, I wouldn’t have written this blog because I’d worry that it wouldn’t be good enough, that someone would criticize me, that it wouldn’t make sense, etc. etc. This morning when I woke up, I had this on my mind.  My intuition was telling me to share my experience with this subject and that is how I’m choosing to live, in the present moment.  When I start to feel anxious I immediately realize it’s because I’m thinking about something later today or tomorrow or next week or next year, and I turn my thoughts instead to what needs to be done right now.  I truly believe if that is our focus then we don’t need to worry about the future because we’re preparing for the best future in this moment.

Find your Happy

The best advice I can give you to get you on the right path to finding happiness is to take some time to figure out why you’re unhappy. I don’t want you to dwell on it too long, because if you start going back to your childhood and things that happened years and years ago you can wind up stuck in a muck that’s hard to dig out of.  But instead, ask yourself, “Why am I unhappy today, why am I stressed, anxious, not feeling good enough, today?” Then go from there.  I think you’ll find that your thoughts are not on the present, but they’re on the past or the future.  Try today in just the little things to acknowledge what makes you smile, what warms your heart and what makes you happy. I woke up this morning alone, the sun was shining, I got to have my coffee in silence, I got to spend two hours writing with no one asking me for anything, it made me happy. After I finish this blog I have to get to work on some accounting for my business, but I chose to not think or stress about that while I was writing this, because I knew it would cause me anxiety.  Practice staying present today, then practice it again tomorrow and the next day until it becomes a habit.  There are going to be times of stress and anxiety and unhappiness, it’s inevitable, but when those moments come, handle them for what they are: The way you react to the stressors, the anxiety, the feelings of unhappiness or unworthiness make all the difference.  When I have those feelings of not being good enough, and I do still have them, I just pause for a moment, remind myself that I’m good enough right now, I’m the doing the best I can right now, and that’s got to be good enough, cause it’s all I’ve got, that’s all we’ve all got, Right Now….

Peace & love & happiness to you

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff……

Amy

A little poem I wrote about getting thru nights of anxiety and over thinking.  I’m getting better and better at this and I hope you will as well.

sun 2

The Moon and Me…

Tonights Super Snow Moon will be the biggest and brightest of 2019! With it there seems to come a lot of energy.  I’ve heard from several friends they’ve had a hard time sleeping, their brains won’t shut down or they’re feeling anxious.  I believe this is all coming from the Full Snow Moon tonight.  My best advice is to use that energy to your advantage.  Perhaps get started on a project you’ve been putting off, maybe work on solving a problem that’s been plaguing you for some time. While it’s true, the atmosphere is very emotionally charged today/tonight it doesn’t mean you’re going crazy, it means you need to channel the energy you’re feeling into something healthy.

You know I have this thing about the moon….I believe it’s at our darkest time when we are shown the most light.  You see, the sun, it sees us when we tend to be at our brightest and best, our best face on, out to conquer the world.  But the moon, it hears our deepest thoughts, the ones we don’t share with anyone, maybe the ones we’re ashamed we’re thinking.  The moon doesn’t judge, the moon loves me even at my worst.

     The Moon & Me

     The sun sees me

when I’m at my best,

but the moon, the moon

knows all my secrets and

loves me nonetheless….

Written By:  Amy Lopez

 

Be mindful today of all the swirling energy around you.  Be present in your day and love your life enough to be aware of what’s happening around you.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Peace & love, Amy

Hello and Goodbye….

Ever wish you had met someone sooner so that perhaps it had changed the course of your friendship or perhaps you could change the outcome of a situation if you had known something earlier?  I think that’s such a common thing for us all, wishing we had met someone sooner.

But what about the one you wish you hadn’t met before, the one you wish you were just saying hello to for the first time?  The one that you know if you were just meeting you wouldn’t have a past with but could make a brand new future.  The one you love and adore but because of the past there is no hope for a future together.

          Things I never told you….

          There are those I wish I had perhaps met sooner, and maybe it would have changed the course of a friendship.  But there’s one I wish I was meeting for the first time, so that our past didn’t make a future impossible.  

That morning when we kissed goodbye, I looked into those eyes in which I’ve found myself lost so many times, and my god, how I wished we were saying hello for the first time….

 

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Love Always,

Amy

Letting Go….

I’ve never been one to let anything go…I’ll break it down inch by inch to try to make sense of things.  I’ll go through blaming myself to blaming the moon.  I’ll throw fits of rage kicking the sand and screaming at the waves, then I’ll sit in quiet depression.  I’ll go back and forth with my thoughts until I can no longer think.  I’ll stay up all night writing what I think happened then I’ll cry all day, mostly because I’m tired but can’t seem to close my eyes.  

 Then finally there’ll be some ease. I’ll be ok for awhile, a few weeks, maybe a year, and then I’ll remember something and the process will begin again.  You see…

I let go of you long ago with my my arms, it’s my heart that’s still holding you…..

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps

Soon Enuff….

Amy….

Self Worth

Many times when we experience heart ache or loss we tell ourselves we aren’t worthy of happiness, of love, of joy.

We think that just because we love someone with all our heart they should automatically love us back and unfortunately that’s just not how life is.  Everyone has a right to their own feelings, choices of who they love and no one can dictate or make someone feel something they don’t.

We often tell ourselves in this situation that it’s okay, “we can love enough for the both of us.” Reality is, that can never work.  If someone doesn’t love you do you really want them in your life?  Do you really want to cling to something that you already know is never going to happen?

I say no, we need to accept what is and let go of what we hoped it would be.  It’s the only way to truly be happy…

Just because he didn’t love you doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving…” –Amy–

Realize that you are worthy of love that you are worthy of happiness and joy.  Just because one person doesn’t return your feelings, doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving. It’s just that maybe that person was never meant for you…move on, love will find you one day but in the meantime love yourself…

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Peace & love always,

Amy

Karma…

 

So many people talk/write about Karma…what comes around goes around.  But the truth is, if you’ve wronged someone, or yourself, and you forgive yourself, you don’t need to be worried with Karma.  I’m not saying there are no consequences to your actions, because of course there are.  But to live your life in fear because of something you or someone you love did in the past is just living your life in hell.

 And all those expectations, they’re long gone, time to dry your pretty eyes, time to forgive and move on.” -Amy-

The key is to forgive yourself.  If you can’t forgive and let yourself move on.  If you keep hating yourself because of past mistakes.  You can never trust anyone else, you can never love anyone else, you can never forgive….It all starts with you.  Let it go, forgive yourself, forgive whoever it is that hurt you, no matter the circumstances, and move on.  Love yourself, and let yourself love again.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve not to live in hell any longer.  Life is short, seek out happiness, stop seeking out the same old hurts, the same old past thoughts.  Love your life and your life will love you back.

Hope your week is awesome.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

 

 

 

 

Disappointment…

So I know it’s been awhile, glad you guys stuck it out with me.  I’ve been on a bit of a spiritual journey.  I knew I was slipping and have been trying to do some self help, self love, whatever you want to call it.  Basically digging into my soul to see how I can make myself better.

There are so many notions (ideas) that I’ve read and totally agree upon.  But this notion of learning not to expect anything from anyone else so you won’t be disappointed really is the hardest thing for me.

I think it’s in our very nature to expect certain things from other humans…we expect them to treat us with respect, dignity, and love if they are our children our spouse/lover, and when that doesn’t happen I’m not sure how we are just supposed to be okay with that.

She found herself disappointed in the notion that she shouldn’t expect anything from anyone so that she’d never find herself disappointed...” -Amy Lopez-

So here’s what I’ve come up with in my own heart/mind.  I think it’s not that we shouldn’t expect certain things, of course, it’s obvious that we do.  But I think it’s kind of like this, “don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”  Meaning, just because someone doesn’t react to something the way we want them to, we can’t let it devastate us.  Just because someone doesn’t love the exact same way we do, it doesn’t mean we can’t still love them.  I think it’s natural and really okay to find ourselves disappointed in other humans, and also in ourselves.

If you have a significant other, even your children, it’s a good discussion to have. Communication is key! Let me them know what you’re going through, ask them to join you on your journey of becoming a better person.  If they’re up for it, awesome.  That way, at least, when you do things that may be disappointing to the other you’ll know that you are both trying, maybe you just slipped up.  Don’t let it ruin your relationship if you truly feel they’re giving it their best.  People make mistakes, lots of mistakes, and it’s totally up to you to keep giving chances or to have enough and walk away.

It’s hard to be the one (me) that is super excited about a new journey, about becoming a better person, speaking more love instead of hate, not taking things personally, not making assumptions, and then when you feel you’re doing really great and making progress, bam! Someone important in your life slams you.  You may take it gracefully the first, second, or third time, but after that, you find yourself slipping, you can’t take anymore and then you let all that negativity bog you down, you slip back into the person you used to be.  Believe me, I know, it’s happened to me so many times I can’t count. But the good thing is, I’m realizing it, I’m mindful and aware of when it’s happening, and now it’s happening less and less, which is a positive step.

I’d love to hear your feedback, maybe some of you are struggling with the same issues, I’d love to help.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps….Soon Enuff

Have a beautiful week!

Your Garden….

Not sure how many of you will be able to relate to this blog post, but I suppose if it’s meant for you, then you’ll understand it…..peach daisy I’ve been struggling a bit mentally, which in consequence, is making me struggle physically as well.

Yesterday, I decided to go out and shoot nothing but weeds, ha.  And you know what I discovered, upon adjusting my focal point and length.  Weeds are beautiful, you just have to look a little closer!

“At times I feel I’m struggling, like I can’t have a beautiful garden because I can’t get rid of the weeds.  But maybe the garden is already there, and it’s not full of weeds at all, it’s simply a big field of beautiful flowers and I’m just to damn busy and stressed to even realize it.  So I adjusted my focal point and it changed what I saw, I began guarding my thoughts, and it is changing my life….” -Amy-

Hope your weekend is beautiful and you begin watching the thoughts you let yourself think.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…..