Be All In

How to be all in

Let me start with my own story….so I’ve been working quite awhile on getting out of my own head.  Trying to stop living in my thoughts, in my stories, and just trying to stay present and deal with the truth in every moment.

I’ve been healing from a recent surgery and pretty frustrated frankly with my surgeon and not getting the answers that I’ve been looking for.  So I made an appointment with my general Dr. hoping to get some clarity.  I’ve known I’ve gained some weight after the operation, which has been upsetting because I eat a pretty healthy vegetarian diet but haven’t been able to exercise like for six weeks, however, I hadn’t actually weighed myself.  Upon getting to the Dr. office I stepped on the scale to discover I’ve gained 22 pounds in six weeks since surgery. The Dr. discussed the possibility of what inflammation was doing to my body, some possible kidney issues, etc. but honestly I didn’t hear much of what she was saying.  You see, I immediately went into my head and started hearing the voices from years and years past talking about beautiful bodies, slim figures, etc.  I heard voices and felt past pain from arguments about my weight, hurtful comments about not being in good enough shape or sexually attractive.  All of it, and when I say all of it, I’m talking 20-30 years of stories all dealing with weight issues came rushing in and I immediately took it to heart.  My unhappiness was heavy on my chest.

Are you in

I tried desperately to bring my attention back to my Dr. and to discuss possible reasons for what I was going through, both physically and mentally.  As I left her office and walked down to the lab I started crying.  And as I sat in the chair, I started asking myself, what was going on, what was I feeling.  My stomach was hurting, my heart was aching, and then I thought, “Ok, so what’s really going on, outside the story, what’s really the truth here?” And you know, as soon, as I got my mind quiet and left the story spinning, I realized the truth was I had come to get some answers. My health has been on a roller coaster.  There’s nothing I’m doing that’s causing this weight gain. No one has said anything hateful to me or been unpleasant at all.  I’m actually proud of myself for the way I’ve dealt with this blow to my health.  I just need answers, I need to be my own advocate, I need to deal with what’s happening right now.

Is it easy to be in the moment

No, it wasn’t easy and it didn’t come naturally.  In fact, the remainder of the day I had to repeatedly bring myself back.  “Stop, stop, stop with the stories.” I literally had to tell myself this over and over throughout the day.  But every time I did, I felt relief.  I was still not happy with my situation, but I was living it, I was doing something about it. There was no need to make myself unhappy by adding in all the past stories around weight.  I didn’t need that, I needed to deal with the present.

You see unhappiness isn’t caused by emotions. Unhappiness is emotions plus an unhappy story.  So when you remove the unhappy story you are left with just the emotions and the emotions are ok, you can handle them.  If you need to cry, cry.  If you need to shout, shout.  But hold your head high, walk through that hell like the devil himself invited you.  Once you get to the other side, you’ll feel a relief like no other.

So I”m still in search of answers, I’m being my own advocate, and I’m doing it right now, in this moment, today.  I’m not telling myself stories, I’m living in truth.  I have found that I wasn’t as unhappy as I thought I was. You can’t really be unhappy without an unhappy story.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Peace & love

Amy

I am a published author and Master Life Coach with certifications in Happiness Therapy and Mental Abuse.  If you’d like to set an appointment with me, I’d love to talk.  Reach me @ amereelynne45@gmail.com

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Taming the Smug Bug

 Smug High

I was recently confronted with an issue that made me feel so much emotion, from sadness to extreme anger. And it got me wondering why this thing was bothering me so much.  Why was I constantly thinking about it, discussing it with others, over thinking at night, etc.  I know from my studies that typically when something that someone else does is really bothering you it’s because you most likely have some underlying issue that may or may not have to do with the issue at hand. So I dug a little deeper…

I think society, myself included has been on a Smug High. Most of the time, I don’t believe it’s intentional.  I think often we get so excited about something and maybe even experience such great joy from it or even physical or mental transformation that we just want to share it with everyone.  However, when that excitement turns into a feeling of, “I’m better or my way is better or healthier or more spiritual,” it becomes a problem.  That is when we become smug.

Types of Smug

There are so many different types of smugness: Spiritual Smugness, Political Smugness, Dietary Smugness, Aesthetic Smugness, and I’m sure many more that I’m not even thinking about.

The most recent incident that brought this whole idea to me was the tragedy of Kolby Bryant and the horrible helicopter accident that claimed the lives of so many families.  Being a huge basketball fan I’ve followed Kolby as millions of others have throughout his whole career.  He was never my favorite, after all, I loved Michael Jordan, and I mean loved him, and Kolby stating he would be greater than him immediately made me have a love hate relationship for him.  However, he was fun to watch, on the court and off.  Did he have trouble, of course he did.  I think most famous extremely wealthy athletes do. Matter of fact, most all humans do, and I am certainly no exception.

Moments after making a post on Facebook of Kolby and one of my favorite quotes of his, a friend also posted something about his death.  However, his post was very offensive to me, and struck a chord that made me both angry and sad.  His post to me was “Politically Smug.” He stated that he wished the general public cared about our democracy being destroyed, our planet being destroyed, etc. as much as they did about an over paid entertainer dying. That statement was a bit one sided and offensive, however, that’s not what really bothered me.  Further down as people started to comment it got uglier and uglier.  At first I felt bad for my friend.  I knew what he was trying to say, and it wasn’t that I didn’t agree with him, but he had used perhaps the wrong wording. However,  further comments went on to slam Kobe, mentioning a case that was never brought to court, mentioning he was never a team player, etc. I now know longer felt bad for my friend. He got entangled in the comments of others, and not only agreed to them but made some even uglier statements himself, and the uglier it got, I realized I wanted no part of it and unfriended this person.

I was actually outraged that anyone on this planet would be attacking the character of someone that just died tragically along with his daughter and other families.  But the more I talked about it and the angrier I became, I started to wonder why this was bothering me so much.  Although I was friends with this person online, I didn’t know him personally, so why would I even care?  And as I dug deeper I found that I too had recently been “Politically Smug.”

I had become so outraged over the Impeachment Trials, and the whole process, I was so upset about our country, that we had a President that was embarrassing, a womanizer, a big bully, that I had even stated, “I literally cannot be friends with anyone that supports Trump.” Now while I myself truly believe that this man cannot stay in power, and I truly believe he’s a terrible person, I also understand that this is my belief.  I can obviously still be friends with others that don’t share my beliefs.  I’m not sure I would ever be comfortable discussing it with someone that I knew supported Trump, because I do not support him, but I shouldn’t allow myself to be so Politically Smug that I think my opinion is the only one that matters.

Once you find yourself becoming offensive/defensive or pushing your beliefs onto others, or bashing one thing to make your point about another thing, you’ve got the bug.

Smug Bug

I think it’s so easy to get excited about something, for instance, I recently switched from vegetarian to vegan.  I’ve seen such health benefits for myself and my family: cholesterol and blood glucose lowered, more energy, weight loss, etc. that of course I want to shout it from the rooftops.  And I think that is great, and it’s an awesome thing to share our life experiences with others, but once it becomes, “Vegan is the only way,” then you’ve run into the Smug Bug.

There are so many examples of becoming smug that the list could go on and on but I think we’ve got the general idea.

Avoiding the Smug Bug

So how do we avoid it? How do we make sure we don’t become Smug? It’s a very difficult thing.  As humans we all have an ego, and I battle with mine daily. I think the more we “get into” whatever it is we’re into: politics, eating healthy, spirituality, the more we think our belief is right and the harder it is to let anyone else have their own opinion. What we don’t realize is that we are never finished.  We are never finished learning, there’s always something new, we’ve never “Arrived,” and if we can remember that, it is easier to squash our own ego just a bit and let others have the opportunity to have their own beliefs and opinions without taking offense to them and without having to become defensive about our own.

Peace & love to you all today,

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff

Amy

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff. It’s available worldwide on Amazon.

I am a Certified Life Coach with specialities in Mental Abuse and Happiness Life.

You may reach me via email amereelynne45@gmail.com

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Searching for Peace

Where has your peace gone

You know today the world is ever so busy.  Rushing around all day, sitting in traffic, checking emails, checking social media, dealing with kids, employees, spouses, lovers, friends, it can all be overwhelming at times.

Is it any wonder we don’t feel much peace in our lives?  Psychology Today calls it Hurry Sickness. By definition, hurry sickness is “a behavior pattern characterized by continual rushing and anxiousness; an overwhelming and continual sense of urgency.”

Saying no to giving your peace away

So how do we cure “Hurry Sickness?” You can start by prioritizing things in your life.  What is really important for me to do today.  Don’t forget to add some “Me Time” to your list.  Start working on time management.  Maybe you need to wake up a few minutes early to enjoy a little quiet time with your coffee, a good book, writing in a journal, exercising. Leave for work a bit early to avoid traffic. Start saying no, stop giving so many pieces of yourself away.  Maybe you say no to baking cookies for the bake sale because it means you have to stay up an hour later and get an hour less sleep. That’s detrimental to your health, don’t do it.  Start letting others help you.  Ask your spouse, family, friends, lovers to help support you a little more.  If you don’t let others know what you need, they can’t read your mind, they’ll just keep taking the pieces of you that you’re giving.

Find your Peace once more

One thing I like to do on the weekends, or whatever day I have free during the week, is to get outside.  If I can get away on a short road trip to do some photography, or go on a hike, even better.  But even if it’s just to my own front porch, I will sit outside and just watch the birds, listen to them singing.  Notice the world around me and how beautiful it is.  Remind myself how lucky I am to be here in this moment of peace out in nature.  Take some deep breaths, do a little meditating, talk positive about myself to myself.  You see positivity in any situation can make things more peaceful.  So next time you catch yourself taking on more then you should or you start to feel overwhelmed and stressed, stop, just stop for a few seconds.  Re-evaluate what you’re doing in the moment and then make some decisions.  If you don’t start finding ways to be at peace, the “Hurry Sickness” can literally kill you.  Take back your life, stop giving so many pieces of yourself away, and find your peace once more.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Peace & Love,

Amy

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff.  Available worldwide on Amazon.

I am a Certifed Life Coach with specialities in surviving Psychological Abuse and Happiness Therapy, as well as a Certified Relationship Facilitator.  You may email me amereelynne45@gmail.com

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Self Love

Loving Yourself

I don’t know about ya’ll, but I’ve been extremely hateful to myself for the last couple of weeks. I’ve talked negatively to myself, which I know better then to do. I’ve not showered, I’ve been lazy, I’ve withdrawn from friends and family. And well, today, I’m putting a stop to it.  A stop to the punishing of myself for things out of my control.  Because after all, we can’t control everything that happens. But what we can control is how we feel in the moment of what’s happening. We can choose to be as happy or as sad as we want to.  We can choose to make ourselves feel better or worse simply by changing the words we speak to ourselves.

Loving Words of Affirmation

We are harder on ourselves then any other person could ever be. The words we say to ourselves inside our own minds hurt us more then the words of everyone else.  Start speaking words of affirmation to yourself instead of words of negativity.  Here are a few examples:  Okay, so it’s raining outside.  Instead of saying, “Ugh, it’s so dreary, I’m going to be so down today because of this rain.” Try saying, “It’s raining outside, I’ll find something fun to do today inside to brighten my mood.” You know, it is what it is.  It’s just rain.  It’s not dreary, it’s not gloomy, it’s just rain.  Here’s another one: “I look terrible. The lines on my face are getting deeper, my clothes are so tight they’re uncomfortable, I’ve gotten so fat and out of shape.” Replace that with, “I will start getting more sleep, drinking more water and less caffeine.  Today I’ll make some better food choices, and get back onto my workout plan.  Not because I look terrible, but because working out and eating right feels good, puts me in a better mood, and is so healthy for me and I love me.”

So you get the idea…It’s not that you won’t have negative thoughts, you will, we all do.  And a big mistake a lot of us make is we just try not to think that way.  But what’s important is that you take that negative thought, remove it, and replace it.  If you don’t replace your negative thought with a positive one, you’ll continue to repeat the negative thought.  Throw it out, stomp on it, but then replace it and smile.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff.

Peace & love,

Amy

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff, which is available worldwide on Amazon.

I am a Certified Life Coach with specialties in surviving Psychological Abuse and Happiness Therapy.

You may email me at: amereelynne45@gmail.com

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The Moon & Me

Affects of the Moon on Emotions

The Full moon can cause violent behavior.  There have been studies proving that there are more incidents of homicide and aggravated assaults around a full moon.  While not everyone will turn violent, I have definitely noticed that I tend to be more aggravated and quick to anger in the days approaching a full moon.

Full Moon can lead to a lack of sleep which affects your moods.  Ever notice a few days before a full moon you suddenly start waking up earlier or not being able to fall asleep? Studies have shown that we tend to experience less time spent in the deepest phase of sleep nearing a full moon, which then affects our moods.

Full Moon can make you feel more introspective.  Have you ever noticed a few days before the full moon you start to reflect more on your life and what’s happening in it?

A full moon can make you feel more anxious, it brings about more energy and unless you’re doing something with that extra energy it can cause nervousness, make you feel manic, and cause nightmares.

The full moon can make you go from being very loving to very combative, which in turn, can make you feel crazy.

The Moon & Emotions

I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is keep track of the moon phases.  Be mindful of the days before a New Moon or Full Moon.  Become more aware of what’s causing you to feel a certain way, especially when it’s out of character.  The one thing I’ve made the mistake of is not realizing until it was too late, like the moon is already full.  I wonder why I’ve been insane for the past week. Too quick to anger, totally out of control at times, not sleeping well.  Feeling “frisky, like really frisky,” and then just as quickly not wanting anything to do with anyone.  Then all of a sudden, I’m like, oh, the moon is full tonight, and the next morning I feel fully released, back to normal.

Hope this helps with some of the things you find yourself struggling with.  The great thing about the moon is that it does tend to bring things to the surface.  If you can keep control of your emotions by realizing what’s causing them, you can benefit from the moons phases greatly.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps….Soon Enuff

Peace & love,

Amy

I am a published author of the book, “Soon Enuff.” Available worldwide on Amazon.

I’m also a Certified Life Coach with specialties in surviving psychological abuse and happiness therapy.

You may email me at amereelynne45@gmail.com

Follow and like this blog to receive updates and alerts 🙂

Struggles of an Empath

An Empaths struggle is real

On one shoulder sits the empath and on the other the bitch and I’m torn between walking away and trying harder.

As an empath it’s really a struggle to know when I’ve done enough. I give too many chances, love to hard, show too much kindness. Sometimes it literally feels like it’s draining my soul.

Apathy or Empathy

So when is enough enough? When is it time to be a little more apathetic and a little less empathetic? You know I use the term bitch as the opposite of empath but it’s not being a bitch to remove yourself from someone or a situation that is draining you.

empath

Sometimes it’s necessary to your mental health, to your own well being to just get the fuck away from someone that is draining you spiritually and mentally. There’s no reason to feel guilty about it.

There’s no doubt you’ve given it all you could. You’ve probably loved too hard, shown too much kindness, and given everything you have to give, and you know what, for some that will never be Enuff.  That’s when you know, come on, you’ve probably always known, it’s time to exit their lives and to keep a strong distance. Do it for yourself, cause you should love yourself as much as you keep loving everyone else.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff.

Peace & love,

Amy

 

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff. Available on Amazon.

I’m also a Certified Life Coach with specialties in surviving Psychological Abuse and Happiness Therapy.

You may email me at amereelynne45@gmail.com

I’d appreciate your follow, like and subscribing to my blog for updates and alerts on new posts.

 

Ponytail & Coffee

Saturday Ponytails

One of my favorite things to do on a Saturday morning is get up, wash my face, throw my hair in a high pony tail (J-Lo Style lol) and make my coffee.

I heard a song lyric that said, “Got the past behind me like my ponytail,” and I absolutely love that.  This is a hard concept for people, like myself, that are fixers.  We want everything to be discussed and worked out.  If there’s a problem we want to solve it and fix it before we move on from it, and when that doesn’t happen it’s hard to let it go.

Ponytail Peace

I have found that I feel most at peace when I live in the present moment.  It’s hard to do, but when I let yesterday go, even if not everything was fixed or healed, I am more at peace.  Ultimately there is nothing we can do about yesterday, it’s gone.  We need to learn to address things as they come up.  If something needs to be fixed or discussed, it needs to be done so at the moment, or as close to the moment as possible, because once the moment has passed, especially an entire day, it does zero good to bring it back up.  So work on staying present and doing what needs to be done to give your life the most peace in each passing moment.

Ponytail Promises

I can’t really promise you anything, but I can tell you staying present, keeping that “past behind you like your ponytail,” can bring peace, at least it has for me.

I hope that at least for today, in this moment, you will enjoy yourself, love yourself, and most importantly, just take care of yourself.  We only live this day once and I hope you make it as beautiful as you can.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Peace & Love, Amy

 

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff, which is available on Amazon.

I’m also a Certified Life Coach with specialities in surviving Mental Abuse and Happiness Therapy.

You may email me at amereelynne45@gmail.com

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Be your own Author

You are the only Author

Once you realize you’re the only author of your story, it gives you a sense of power, a purpose and improvement of your mental well being.  Only you decide what happens in your story.  And though you may not be living it at the present moment it’s never to late to start again.

 

Not tomorrow..you’re the Author today

You don’t have to wait until everything is perfect to begin the practice of journaling.  It’s the best way to rewrite your story.  You don’t have to have a degree, be the perfect weight, have a new love, a new place to live, etc. You start today, and then I highly recommend daily editing.

I truly believe the art of writing can change your life.  Whether you buy a leather bound beautiful journal, make one stapled together with paper, or just use google docs, get your feelings down on paper.  They don’t have to make sense, you don’t have to be a great writer or poet, just write them down.  It’s a great way to really see what’s going on in your life and where you need to make some changes.

Author of gratitude

One of the best things you can do for your own personal/mental health is to write down things you’re grateful for.  Some days you may find that difficult, you’ve had a really shit day, things have sucked, people have been mean, etc.  But really dig deep here, there’s always something to be grateful for.  Maybe something as small as being grateful you have a warm home, or maybe you’re just grateful that you survived the day, etc.  When you write down things you’re grateful for, it makes your heart a little warmer.  You start to see the world in a new light.  Not everything is doom and gloom.  You really do have something to live for, there is a higher purpose.

I truly hope you start today.  Write your story, rewrite it often, and continue editing.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff.

Peace & love, Amy

I am a published author of the book, Soon Enuff, which is available on Amazon.

I’m also a Certified Life Coach with specialities in Surviving Mental Abuse and Happiness Therapy.

You can contact me via email @amereelynne45@gmail.com

Follow my blog for alerts on new articles

The Situation….

What’s your situation….

Recently I have found myself lost in a situation that I can’t quite name because I’m unsure of what the situation actually is.  I think it’s a dilemma that many of us face throughout our lives.  However, this is the first time that it has taken such a toll on me.

See the situation for what it is…

I believe the first step to solving this problem is to see the situation for what it is, I know, I know, this is hard to do when you don’t know what the situation is.  However, if you sit down and write out exactly what’s going on you may find it easier to understand it, possibly even give it a name.

I have found myself in a position where I’m really unsure of my place in my own life. For 31 years my life has been centered around caring for children, running my business, basically taking care of everyone else.  Suddenly and quite frankly without warning, my life has been turned upside down.

My grandfather passing away and grandmother needing help called me out of town to care for both of them for a short time and never did I imagine the impact this would take.  I’ve seen death before, but this time it has really hit me hard.  There is a lot of guilt that I didn’t do enough, a lot of guilt that I couldn’t help my grandmother enough, and upon returning to my regular life I found that it is no longer my regular life. Things changed, maybe I was the cause of those changes, maybe I wasn’t, but whatever the case I found myself in a situation that I couldn’t understand nor give a name to. My place and importance to others feels diminished and I’m left at age 50 wondering what’s next for me, what is my role, what is my position, where do I go from here. A situation that has caused me a lot of pain and probably placed me far too deep in thought.

Now Handle the Situation

So this morning I got up and wrote down exactly what I think is happening and why and whether these things are true for anyone else, they’re certainly true for me.  I have named my situation, “The Highway of Life, and the Dangerous Curves I have to Maneuver.” I call them dangerous curves because it is dangerous to approach these curves without caution.  They have definitely thrown me for a loop and quite frankly I’ve been spiraling out of control. However, now that I’ve slowed down and can approach the curves a little more cautiously I’ve found that I can maneuver them without crashing.  It doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything, it means I’m handling it without slipping off the side of the road and bounding down a hill.

Life is often cruel and unkind, especially to the empaths that feel and think too much.

    situation

I have found that learning new things is very helpful.  Life is constantly changing and if you don’t learn to change with it, you’ll be left behind. So set some new goals, keep them to yourself, and then go out and smash them.  Try some new things, be kind to yourself. Realize life is what you make it, and though it’s painful, sometimes it’s just life and you need to adjust, what other choice do we have?  We’re all growing older, we’re all changing, this is the world we live in.  So name your situation and then change it to your benefit.

Cause I’m definitely not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

My book, Soon Enuff, is on sale on Amazon through Thanksgiving.  If you haven’t picked up your copy yet, now is a great time.

https://www.amazon.com/Soon-Enuff-Amy-Lopez/dp/0692902392

 

 

Effects of Stress

Letting go of Stress

I think we all know and understand that the research on stress has shown it to be lethal to our health.  Stress causes hormones to be released , namely adrenaline and cortisol.  When you live in a constant state of stress this can be disastrous to your mind and body. But, this is not the only problem….

Effects of not letting the stressor go

Research is now showing that even years later simply re-living the past stress causes the exact same complications to your body as it did the when the stress initially happened! So for people like me, the over thinkers, we’re literally killing ourselves over and over just by re-playing the scene out, even months and years later.  When we don’t learn to let go, it just doesn’t play mind games with our emotions, it literally is killing you.

Your psychology makes your biology…..it’s true my friends!

You’ll never let go if you keep

allowing your mind to take you back…”

Amy Lopez

This is a tough one for sure, and one that I haven’t mastered, but I continually work on living in the present, it’s the only way to train your mind not to dwell in the past.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps….Soon Enuff

There are 3 days left to purchase my book, Soon Enuff at the Fall Sale Price of $9.99.  It’s available worldwide on Amazon or on my Etsy Shop at https://www.etsy.com/shops/LilBitsofMeandPoetry