Tag: healthymind

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The Situation….

What’s your situation….

Recently I have found myself lost in a situation that I can’t quite name because I’m unsure of what the situation actually is.  I think it’s a dilemma that many of us face throughout our lives.  However, this is the first time that it has taken such a toll on me.

See the situation for what it is…

I believe the first step to solving this problem is to see the situation for what it is, I know, I know, this is hard to do when you don’t know what the situation is.  However, if you sit down and write out exactly what’s going on you may find it easier to understand it, possibly even give it a name.

I have found myself in a position where I’m really unsure of my place in my own life. For 31 years my life has been centered around caring for children, running my business, basically taking care of everyone else.  Suddenly and quite frankly without warning, my life has been turned upside down.

My grandfather passing away and grandmother needing help called me out of town to care for both of them for a short time and never did I imagine the impact this would take.  I’ve seen death before, but this time it has really hit me hard.  There is a lot of guilt that I didn’t do enough, a lot of guilt that I couldn’t help my grandmother enough, and upon returning to my regular life I found that it is no longer my regular life. Things changed, maybe I was the cause of those changes, maybe I wasn’t, but whatever the case I found myself in a situation that I couldn’t understand nor give a name to. My place and importance to others feels diminished and I’m left at age 50 wondering what’s next for me, what is my role, what is my position, where do I go from here. A situation that has caused me a lot of pain and probably placed me far too deep in thought.

Now Handle the Situation

So this morning I got up and wrote down exactly what I think is happening and why and whether these things are true for anyone else, they’re certainly true for me.  I have named my situation, “The Highway of Life, and the Dangerous Curves I have to Maneuver.” I call them dangerous curves because it is dangerous to approach these curves without caution.  They have definitely thrown me for a loop and quite frankly I’ve been spiraling out of control. However, now that I’ve slowed down and can approach the curves a little more cautiously I’ve found that I can maneuver them without crashing.  It doesn’t mean I’m okay with everything, it means I’m handling it without slipping off the side of the road and bounding down a hill.

Life is often cruel and unkind, especially to the empaths that feel and think too much.

    situation

I have found that learning new things is very helpful.  Life is constantly changing and if you don’t learn to change with it, you’ll be left behind. So set some new goals, keep them to yourself, and then go out and smash them.  Try some new things, be kind to yourself. Realize life is what you make it, and though it’s painful, sometimes it’s just life and you need to adjust, what other choice do we have?  We’re all growing older, we’re all changing, this is the world we live in.  So name your situation and then change it to your benefit.

Cause I’m definitely not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

My book, Soon Enuff, is on sale on Amazon through Thanksgiving.  If you haven’t picked up your copy yet, now is a great time.

 

 

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Adaptability

The Importance of Adaptability

Adaptability can best be described as remaining open to change, able to accept the unknown, freedom from learned responses.

Did you know meeting change with resilience instead of bitterness can actually extend your life?  The world is harsh, however, if you can learn to bend a little instead of being stiff and breaking, if you can learn to enjoy and be happy with whatever comes, it changes your whole biology.  Because you see our psychology actually dictates our biology.

Ask yourself these questions:

Do I respond creatively to change?

Am I free from anxiety?

Do I continually create?

Do I continue to learn new things?

Responding creatively to change is when something out of the ordinary comes up, you can look at it and think of positive ways to make it work out.  You don’t freak out and panic, but you embrace it with the attitude of, “Great, something new, how can we make this work to our advantage.”

Free from anxiety.  Anxiety is a psychological response that causes your biology to change.  When you send your body into panic mode all kinds of things start happening.  Your heart rate increases, your blood pressure goes up, causing stress on the heart often leading to coronary events if not treated.  Anxiety can suppress your immune system, cause all kinds of digestive disorders, it can also lead to depression and dementia. All things which make us age.

Continuing to create.  What is it you love?  Are you a writer, if so continue to write.  Artist, fishing, hiking, climbing, you get it.  Stop listening to the learned responses such as, “I’m getting older, I probably shouldn’t hike that far,” or “Climbing is too dangerous for a person my age,” or “No one wants to read something an older person is writing,” or “I can’t bounce back like I used to,” and instead you just keep living, guess what, you keep living.

Have you ever seen 80 year olds still out hiking?  I have! A couple summers ago we were hiking a 2,000 foot incline in only 2 miles at Crater Lake.  It was very difficult for me despite the fact I’d been hiking for several years.  Much to my surprise a very elderly couple blew past me.  When I got to the top they smiled and we started a conversation.  I asked how old they were, the wife was 79 and the husband 83!  Do you think they listened to the voices saying, “You probably should stop doing that you’re too old?”  Absolutely not!  They had been avid explorers their whole lives and just never thought to slow down, and guess what, their bodies never gave them a reason to, because their psychology controlled their biology.

Continuing to learn new things can be easy as reading new books, taking a different route, playing games, traveling to new places, learning about the weather where your kids live.  The idea here is you never stop using your brain.  You don’t sit sedentary in front of your TV mindlessly watching the same things day in and day out.  By learning new things you allow the brain to compensate for natural tissue loss.  Learning new things stimulates the neurons in the brain which form new neuron pathways and allows electrical impulses to travel faster.

Can you learn to Adapt

“Perhaps you need to learn to let go of the notion

that things could have been different..

they weren’t.”

–Amy Lopez–

I, like many others have suffered with anxiety.  I used to really panic when my plan didn’t work out.  When faced with the prospect of a new change, I would typically revert back to the comfort of just staying complacent.  Change is scary, especially when it’s not expected.  The loss of a job, a spouse leaving, a loved one dying, a flood, a hurricane, tornado, etc.  These things all happen.  But how can we learn to adapt instead of stress?

A little stress is obviously natural in any of the above circumstances.  It’s when the stress doesn’t go away that we’re in trouble.

Things I’ve found that have relieved my anxiety and allowed me to live a happier healthier life are:  meditation, exercise, a healthy diet, sleep, and therapy.

When you take a little time to sit quietly with yourself you can go over things that are happening and how you’ll handle them, before they happen.  You know you’re about to face an ugly day at the lawyers office, or you have to clean up after a natural disaster, etc.  When you breath deeply especially sighing out the negativity you’ll find it’s much easier to face.  You know you have to face it, why not face it the best way possible.  Go in with a smile, let’s get this done, how can we make something positive out of it.

Daily exercise has been proven to relieve stress, it relieves tension, improves sleep and elevates your mood and self esteem.  Combine this with eating a healthy diet, stay away from unnatural foods, and you’ll improve not only your physical body but your mental one as well.

I’m one of those people that struggles to get 8-9 hours of sleep.  However, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic with around 7.  I do rest during the day, usually napping for about 20-30 minutes.  I have found that when I eat lighter at night, usually I don’t eat past 4:00 unless it’s a handful of nuts or a little fruit, I sleep much better.  If you struggle with sleep, try black out curtains, ear plugs, or an app that plays sleepy time noise such as the ocean waves or water trickling.  Getting adequate sleep re-charges your brain, improving your focus, concentration and mood.  Getting adequate sleep alone can reduce stress and anxiety.  If you still struggle, seek help from a therapist.

I’m a Certified Life Coach and as a Life Coach I can tell you that talking to someone about your stress and anxiety can literally save your life.  I have a great Coach that has helped me figure out ways to change my life to make it less stressful, and also just laughed with me through some very tough situations.  If you need someone to talk to seek out a therapist or life coach or even just a sister, brother, friend that will understand and hold your confidence.

You know aging is a natural process, but it literally takes the organs around 103 years to start breaking down naturally.  That means that everything else isn’t natural.  Try to remember that the oldest and healthiest living people say these three words a lot: Happy, Satisfied and Enjoyable.  Because our psychology dictates our biology.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff.

You can find me on FB @lilbitsofme22  IG @lilbitsofme22 Twitter @amylo_5

You can also reach me by email if you’d like to discuss any of the topics from this blog

If you enjoy this article subscribe by email, so you’ll be notified of upcoming articles.  I appreciate your support.

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Reinvent Yourself

What does reinvent mean

Whether you’re in your late 20’s or 70’s, it’s never too late to be what you really want to be, to do what you’ve always wanted to do.  To reinvent yourself is to really get in touch with what you’re longing for; A new profession, to become a parent, to buy a house, to move to a different country, to quit your current job to teach yoga, to be a traveling you tube hiker. Whatever your dreams are, if you want to reinvent yourself, Monday is the perfect day to start.

Steps to reinvention

First of all let’s clear out all the emotional clutter.  Anytime someone wants to make a change you should expect to be met with conflict, either from yourself or from outside sources.  You need to sit quietly with yourself, usually over a nice hot cup of coffee or tea and clear out your mind.  Focus on the good, the good you’re already accomplishing and the even better things the new, reinvented you can do.  When your mind starts to play games with you or outside sources start to make you feel doubt, meet it head on.  Remind yourself who you are, how strong you are, remind yourself of what you really want.  It’s okay to have doubts, but don’t let them stop you, you’ll need to be strong mentally to get through reinvention.

Secondly, start changing up your routine.  Whatever it is you’re wanting to reinvent yourself into, better eating, more working out, more writing, waking up earlier to look through the houses for sale, property in another country, etc.  Researching is going to be your number one go to.  Don’t just assume that you know it all.  If you want to move to another country because you think it’s peaceful and beautiful, do your research and then research some more.  Talk to people that have lived there, make plans to go and visit, possibly for a little longer then a regular vacation.  If you’re wanting to be in better shape and think you know the perfect diet or workout plan because it worked for so and so, do your research, know you’re body type, know what foods do and don’t agree with you.  Look into many different options, as there is no “one thing fits all.”

Thirdly, set some goals. I’m talking about learning or process goals, not performance, outcome goals.  For instance : In two weeks I’m going to learn about the seasons in Costa Rica.  In one month I’m going to learn about the process my body needs to go through to lose ten pounds.  In one week I’m going to really see if I can live on half my income, if I can lessen my grocery bill by 50% and in one month I’m going to look over the process of reducing my debt to see if it’s a possibility to quit my current high paying job for the new job, which is more outdoors, less time in the office, but half the pay job.

Last, and I think this may be the most important one, start imagining yourself as your new reinvented self.  What things you’ll experience, how you’ll look, how you’ll feel.  Start to visualize yourself with that new baby, new house, new job, quitting your job, no job, new body image from the working out and eating well.  I think you’ll find, this alone, will keep you motivated towards your end game.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Amy

Find me on Facebook @lilbitsofme22 or Instagram @lilbitsofme22 or Pinterest @lilbitsofme22 or @coffee_poetry_lilbitofme

Oh and if you like what you’re reading here, click the subscribe button 🙂

 

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Editing Day

Sunday is editing day

On Sunday mornings I like to sit in silence with my coffee and think back on my week.  Not to punish myself but to see what changes I want to make to make the new week better.

It’s always better to edit

The same way you wouldn’t leave a manuscript unedited, it just makes sense to make the necessary edits to your life.  You see, Sunday is like an opportunity to choose to evolve or repeat.  Again, this isn’t to look back and punish yourself, but just like editing your writing, you look over it again to make sure you’re getting things right.

To edit is to evolve

Honestly, I think a little of both, evolving and repeating is okay.  You want to evolve past the mistakes, change what you can, and repeat the good things that made your soul happy.

Wishing you a beautiful Sunday and a happy and healthy new week ahead.

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, “Soon Enuff.”

You can find my new book, Soon Enuff, worldwide on Amazon or the link in my Facebook bio @lilbitsofme22 or on Instagran @lilbitsofme22

 

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Forgiveness

Forgiveness…is it possible

We’ve all done things we think are just not forgivable.  We continually seek the approval and forgiveness of others, when in reality, what we yearn for is a sense that we are forgiven, and I believe that can only come from within.  For what good is it for another to tell us they’ve forgiven us if we still harbor the “sin” within ourselves….

     “She lives with sins she thinks are unforgivable.

She’s been trying for years to forget that love that remains unforgettable.

She judges herself too hard, her struggle is real.

On days she is strong, she trains her soul not to feel.

But some nights she loses the battle for the heart has it’s own will…”

–Amy Lopez–

The Forgiveness Process

You may be wondering, “So how do I begin the forgiveness process?”  I believe you start with some soul searching.

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I truly sorry for whatever it is.

2. Would I do it again.

3. Do I really want to put this transgression behind me.

4. Have I done everything I possibly can to make amends to the person/thing I hurt with this transgression.

So if in answer to number 1, if you are truly sorry for whatever it is you’ve done, then you should be able to easily answer number 2, no I would not do it again.  And then you’ve got to set an intention with yourself.  If this thing, whatever it is, were to come up again in the future, I will be strong enough to turn away from it because I know the pain it caused others and myself and I am not willing to go through that again.  In answer to number 3, if you want the transgression behind you then you’ve got to forgive yourself.  You’ve got to realize everyone makes mistakes, and no matter how great the mistake was, you understand it, you’ve no doubt paid for it dearly and it’s time to let it go.  For awhile you may need to wake each morning and set an intention for yourself, “Today I will feel relief for I know I am forgiven, I am a new person.” When the thoughts of guilt arise, which they will, try to remember this intention and repeat it to yourself, you are forgiven, I forgive myself, I’ve paid enough. And in response to the last question, number 4, if you have done all you can to make amends, then rest assured there is nothing more you can do.  It is now up to the other party to do with it what they will.  You do not have to continue paying.  If you cannot be around the person you have asked forgiveness from without feeling guilty, or without them reminding you of your wrong doings, then it may be necessary to not be around them for awhile.  Don’t continue to punish yourself with their presence but do be sympathetic to the fact you hurt them.

Forgiveness equals peace

If there’s one thing that will keep your soul unsettled it’s carrying around the past.  It’s too heavy and you’ve got to lay it down.  This will take some deep thinking, some meditation, some prayer, some real work, but it is possible.  If you want peace in your life my friends, forgive yourself.…

The poem above is from my new poetry book, “Soon Enuff.” It’s now available worldwide on Amazon or you may purchase it from the link in my bio on Instagram @lilbitsofme22

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff.

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Soon Enuff

Soon Enuff

Hi guys, just wanted to share the exciting news with you.  Soon Enuff is now available worldwide on Amazon and you can also purchase signed copies by me on my etsy shop at www.etsy.com/shop/lilbitsofmeandpoetry or on my IG @lilbitsofme22 or Facebook @LilBitsofme22

I’ll be running a few fun ad campaigns over the next couple of weeks to celebrate.  The first is if you subscribe to this blog via email you’ll receive five of my favorite poems signed plus a few little extra trinkets.

Thanks so much for ya’lls support!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps…Soon Enuff

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The Moon & Me

Full Moon impact on Me

About a week ago I began feeling very distant from everyone, like perhaps I was invisible, and at times, I wish I actually was.  My thoughts become a bit erratic, and I wasn’t making much sense to anyone, except myself.  And I thought to myself, “Okay, what’s going on with you Amy?”

After checking my horoscope I realized how quickly the full moon/strawberry moon was approaching, and I knew full well what was up with me.  I think once you know what’s possibly causing your emotions to fluctuate it’s much easier to control them, or at least to try to calm them down a bit.

Full Moon Poetry

I know I’m often distant

and my thoughts are rarely clear

and like the moon you can’t always see me

but I promise you I’m here….

–Amy–

 

Wishing you a beautiful week!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff…

Love & Peace, Amy

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She’s no magician….

None of us are magicians….

My very dear friend, Alfa Holden, wrote this:  “The problem with love is, you can love who you want…but so can they.”

You know you can knock yourself out being the most beautiful, funny, caring, and loving person on the planet, and you still may not be the one for the person you love.  I think it’s so important to grasp this concept early so that we realize there is nothing wrong with us, it’s just how life is.  How many times did a boy/girl have a crush on you or actually fall in love with you and yet you had no feelings whatsoever for them? It happens.  But when it happens to us we tend to take it a lot more personally.

Magic Potion

When we fall in love with someone we go all in and it hurts like hell when it’s not reciprocated.  But there’s no magic potion here.  You can’t drop something in their water that makes them magically fall in love with you no matter how hard you try or how much you want it.  In fact, often times, the harder you try to force something, the worse the whole situation becomes.  I don’t think the other person even means to hurt us, perhaps they really want to love us back, but just as you cannot help your feelings, neither can they.  It may not be that they’re in love with someone else, it’s just simply that they don’t share the same feelings you do, they aren’t in love with you.

So what’s the magic trick

So how do you get through this type of heartache?  I truly believe that if you love yourself, if you know your worth, if you know you’re a beautiful soul, then you can get through it.  You can slowly start to understand that it’s not you, you’re an amazing person, you just aren’t the one for them, and you have to let that heal you.  The magic trick is really believing in yourself while letting the person go.  It doesn’t mean your love ends, it just means you are moving on.  Don’t stay in a relationship that you have to force, it will only hurt you and it will hurt the very one you say you love.  You must believe with all your beautiful soul that love will one day be returned and the relationship will indeed be magical.

A little poem I wrote: “I hoped that somehow out of all the brokenness something good could come.  That perhaps the heartache we caused could be undone.  But you can’t keep pretending to look forward to something you dread, you’re no magician, you can’t bring life back to love that’s already dead.” @AmyLopez @LilBitsofMe22

magician

 

Magic Book

I truly wish I could write a book titled,  “Magic Tricks for Love.” In fact, I’m fairly certain that if you searched social media or google long enough, you’d most likely stumble upon that very book written by someone trying to take advantage of heart broken souls. However, it would be a big book of magical lies because there is no magic book and there are no magic tricks. Remember, believing in yourself, that’s all the magic you need!

Peace, love & happiness I wish for you!

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff….

Amy

You can follow my very dear friend, who is a wonderful writer and author of three Best Selling books, @alfapoet.com and on social media: FB: @AlfaHolden  IG: @alfa.poet Twitter: @alfa_poet

 

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Friendship….

Meaning of friendship: Kindness, love, sympathy, empathy, honesty, altruism, mutual understanding and compassion, enjoyment of each other’s company, trust, ability to be oneself, and to make mistakes without fear of judgement from the friend.

A new study came out that was done over the last four years have now consistently found that adults with the highest levels of happiness and general well being also reported strong, close ties to at least one or multiple friends.  Having a friend in adult-hood provides companionship, affection, and emotional support.  It has been to improve good health and longevity.  Conversely, loneliness has been linked to increased heart disease , viral infection and cancer, as well as higher mortality rates.

I’ve struggled a bit with adult-hood friendships.  My childhood best friend, from about 4th grade until we were adults was my everything.  She was my lioness, my soul mate, my confidante…all the things listed above under the meaning of friend… She passed away when we were in our early 30’s of breast cancer.  It was devastating and I struggled for years afterwards, really keeping my distance from friends.  As my children have now become adults, I have found that they are some of my best friends.  However, friendships with your family members aren’t quite the same, and here’s why….

As family members, we still tend to impose our own will, at times being judgemental, even if we try not to, because it’s a different type of love.  A true friend, that’s not family, we don’t judge, we are just there for each other, to help and care for, even in distance.  A friend is just a totally different type of relationship…you can possibly go days, weeks, and occasionally even months without talking, and yet, pick right back up where you left off at any given moment. Friends, at soul level, can feel each other’s pain, yet, understand that it’s not their pain, and instead support the other by being their lion, giving them the best advice, and just being there to listen without imposing our own will onto them.

In all honesty, I’m still a little guarded, but I have come to have two very close friends, that aren’t family.  I don’t depend on them for anything, which is a different type of feeling.  I just know that they are there if I need to talk or need an honest opinion on something.  It’s a great relationship, that offers nothing in and of itself, except acceptance and understanding.

I hope if you have been struggling with loneliness you’ll put yourself out there and make new friends, or even perhaps, look up that old friend that you’ve grown apart from and re-kindle a relationship that is beneficial for both of you. Friendship is one of the most important foundations in our lives, and I truly believe that a friendship out of family, is very important.

Peace & love

Cause I’m not there yet, but perhaps, Soon Enuff